Wake Up
by reflecting
Summary: SSNT Ch14: Tonks is slipping further away from reality, and Voldemort's new plan is taking form. Lucius and Severus working together? What?
1. No Fear

**Title:** Wake Up

**Raiting:** M (for Mature)

**Pairing: **S. Snape and N. Tonks

**Disclaimer:** Don't own JK's characters, and I really don't own her plot.

_A/N: Finally! I've got a beta! ;D Many thanks to __Eldaria for her betaing and suggestions! Any mistakes left are probably mine, so..yeah..anyway, on with the story:) _

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**Wake Up**

Chapter 1 - No Fear.

She struggled against the spell holding her. Her eyes shifted from the brightest blue to the darkest brown as she growled. Laughter and silence surrounded her. Before her stood the person she detested the most: her aunt, Bellatrix Black Lestrange - the killer of her cousin. She was laughing at her.

"My dear Nymphadora… My dear Tonks! Why so angry? Haven't you missed me?" Bellatrix said as her laugher died away. Tonks glared at her as she bared her teeth in frustration. The black-haired woman sneered as she stepped closer and caressed Tonks' cheek with her thumb, her mad eyes searching for any sign of fear. She was disappointed.

"Hmm… No response. Well, well. I must confess that I've missed you, Nymphadora."

Her tone betrayed her words as she straightened and slowly walked around the cornered woman with a pleased expression. Shadows from flickering lights made her bony face seem ever more starved as she smirked and threw her dark hair back, the look in her eyes challenging.

"Really, Bella, I thought you had manners," Tonks managed to spit out. Blood from her mouth spattered the floor around her. Bellatrix stopped and traced Tonks' spine with her nails.

"And I was stupid enough to think that the hours of spying on – or, rather, stalking – Snape would've taught you the delicate art of exchanging insults with grace. But then again, you've never shown any sign of having grace in anything you do," came the smooth reply. Tonks winced as the insult hit home.

"Oh, yes! That one hurt, didn't it?" Bellatrix whispered. "But I have something in store for you that will be even worse. Something beyond words… Except for the actual name of the spell."

Although she fought it, shivers went violently up and down her spine as she closed her eyes to shut out the endless mass of black cloaks and silver masks. The cold and crowded room they occupied seemed to shrink, and she could almost feel the mouldy walls embracing her.

"I think you underestimate the power of simple actions and well-spoken words, Bella," a silky voice sneered. Tonks opened her eyes but could not spot the person who'd spoken up. Apparently he was behind her back – a swish of robes revealed that Bellatrix had to swing around to see the man.

"Ah, Snape… You must be pleased to have your stalker put into her rightful place," she heard her aunt snap back. Tonks could almost hear him smirk. It seemed she knew his face all too well.

"That's a first, coming from you Bella," came the quiet reply. As always, he tucked the hidden meaning away until one asked for it. Bellatrix fought not to do so, as she would lose the mind game if she did. The endless war of words between the two of them wouldn't end in the near future. Tonks shuddered unnoticeably. The man kept his tongue guarded around both Order members and these… 'Monsters,' she thought, unable to find a better word to describe the Death Eaters. She did not care to think about how his insults would feel, were he to allow himself to speak freely. She was in enough pain as it was.

The fight she'd had with the group of twenty Death Eaters had been a clear loss even though she'd blocked the first hex thrown at her. She'd been doing her rounds, keeping an eye on the people in Diagon Alley with an older Auror named Timothy. She'd only known him for a couple of days, and wasn't getting along with the tight-lipped man.

It was still early when the two of them decided it was time for a shift change. Then the Death Eaters struck. The Alley was almost empty, and the two Aurors had been surprised. Timothy went down first; his leg broke in a loud snap that had made her wince. Extreme pain made him pass out. But she hadn't let herself give up and was almost proud to say she had managed to hurt at least two or three of the Death Eaters lethally. But she'd sustained quite a few injuries as well. It would be a wonder if she came out of there either alive or sane.

The sickening truth had yet to sink in – she might be dead in just a few minutes. All this and she hadn't even seen the Dark Lord yet. He would probably be the last thing she'd see… A tear managed to escape and as it slowly ran down her cheek, Tonks became aware of the things going on around her. She heard a cold voice with an unnaturally high pitch and was roughly pulled into full attention as a sudden pain struck her, burning flesh from bones.

"You should show me more respect, Metamorphmagus," the cold voice sneered. She froze and didn't dare to look up. Her anger and the remaining adrenaline from the fight quickly disappeared as she let her arms fall limp in the invisible grip of the spell holding her.

"Words do seem to have an influence, or maybe it is just my mere presence," he stated. Tonks bit her lip as she forced herself to look up. 'No fear… No fear…' she thought as she met the blood-red eyes of Lord Voldemort. "I don't blame you for having fear for me. It is very… Appropriate, don't you think?" he continued in a mocking tone. Tonks tried to take a stumbling step back, but was stopped by the bounds of the spell.

"My Lord..." she heard Bellatrix say in a tightly controlled voice, but she was cut off by the white skeleton himself.

"In time, Bella, in time. Have patience. We need information. Severus!" he snapped. Tonks watched Snape appear and kneel before his Lord out of the corner of her eye. Anger swept over her at the sight of him. Wasn't he on her side? What was he doing? Why wasn't he out sending for help? Her face must have conveyed her anger as Voldemort's laughter could be heard only seconds later. She froze again and concentrated on not throwing up at the sickening sound of it.

"Severus, I have a task perfectly suited for you," he said as he stared at the woman tied to nothing but air. Tonks closed her eyes and shut her mouth tightly. "You will take this so far useless half-blood and break her. Break her so there is nothing left. When I next summon you, I want her shattered. I want the pieces left of her served to me and I shall turn them into nothing but ashes. Do I make myself clear?" The venomous threat in his voice made even Bellatrix shiver. Tonks fought back tears as his words made their way to her now dizzy mind. 'It wouldn't take long,' she thought desperately, 'I'll break down before he even gets the chance to lift his wand…'

"Yes, My Lord," he responded quietly while bowing even lower to show his respect. Voldemort seemed pleased as he signalled for him to stand up.

"Take her now and leave. Your house is empty," he sneered while eyeing the now mousy-haired woman with her eyes locked on the ground, open but unseeing. The knowledge of what was awaiting her had almost made its way through. He didn't want her to leave without knowing what she was facing, he mused with a smirk.

"Have fun with the traitor Metamorphmagus," he said before his servant Apparated with the woman, who wore an expression of deep shock as the new realisation hit home. He prepared himself for the complaints his dear Bella would have about having the filthy half-blood stolen by someone who, by her standards, wasn't any better. 'Too bad she cannot see the power of Dark potions,' he thought before turning his gaze on her.

"My Lord…"

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_A/N: Review?_


	2. And so it began

**Wake Up**

Chapter 2, And so it began...

A surprisingly warm hand lifted her chin up as she tried to conceal her tears. She looked into a pair of deep black eyes with her own tear-blurred dark grey ones. Anger filled her again and she jerked her head away.

"Don't. Touch. Me," she said through clenched teeth. As she made to stand up the same warm hand slapped her hard over her wet cheek, causing her to fall back onto the couch she was sitting in. With no idea how she'd got herself onto the couch, or even where exactly she was, Tonks froze in mere surprise.

"He said he wants you broken. He wants your shattered pieces… In other words, he wants blood. After the few years I've spent being forced to work with you I have learned one thing," he said, leaning closer, "you are no Auror. Clumsy, naïve, inexperienced..."

Her face hot and flushed, Tonks looked into his eyes again. It proved to be a mistake as he roughly pushed himself into her mind. She tried to fend him off, unsuccessfully. But just seconds after attacking, he left her mind. She tried to focus on the blurry sight of black in front of her as she opened her mouth to speak. He interrupted her before she could utter a sound.

"You couldn't even defend yourself. You had your mind open, as easy to read as the first years'

books. Tell me, Tonks, how could you ever believe that you could keep secrets from the Dark Lord?"

He spoke quietly, as if disappointed, and looked at her with those intense black eyes. She stared at him as her lip trembled. She would not cry anymore. No tears. Don't cry…

"You bloody traitor… How could you?" she said with a choked voice after barely managing to collect herself. She felt dizzy and very tired; the dull pain in her body didn't make it any better. She couldn't think straight. Another slap brought her back. She bolted up from the couch and pushed him as far away from her as possible. For a second she thought she saw surprise in his heavily guarded face, but it disappeared under a mask of barely controlled anger - an expression she knew all too well from the years he had been her superior age-, knowledge- and skill-wise.

"Traitor? Did it ever occur to you that I might have a position to uphold? Did you think for one second that the Dark Lord would go easy on betrayers? It isn't all about you, my dear Nymphadora. Didn't it occur to you that I, in the position I am in, can save more lives than just yours? You didn't even think of the possibility that I just saved your sorry arse by bringing you here, did you?"

As he spoke his voice became more and more of a whisper, forcing her to listen intently. The fire burning in his eyes told her that he was telling the truth. Either that or he capable of hiding his very soul and even manipulating it. She could almost touch the bitterness lying under his every move, his every word. He had a hidden meaning again, but this time, she thought she might have caught it. No one trusted him. Neither did she, under the stress and knowledge of certain death.

"But how are you supposed to save me, if Voldemort wants my… My shattered, broken pieces turned into ash?" she asked, the traces of her anger still evident in her voice

"Sit," he simply said as he pushed her down on the couch again. She looked down at her hands resting on her knee, and waited.

"I could say that you managed to run away, having been tracked down by some of the other Aurors, or I could say that you simply snuck out without me noticing. The latter no one will ever believe. Firstly, because you can't even walk without making a sound, and secondly, because I would never let my guard down enough for you to manage escaping. He knows that. But the first option is difficult as well… This place is heavily warded. Only a very powerful wizard, or witch, should you prefer that, would be able to even get a hint of where this house is. Either someone highly powerful or someone who knows where this place is could be capable of finding you here. Incidentally, Dumbledore does know. Now, I can't very well tell the Dark Lord that Dumbledore rescued you within a day of your capture; not even he could pull off such a feat. It would have to take a week or so before you would be able to 'escape'. Which leads to the conclusion…"

He spoke slow, as if sketching up a plan from thin air (which he probably did, Tonks thought, slightly jealous of his witty mind), and when his voice slowly faded away, she didn't need to hear any more.

"You have to break me – or at least try to. It… It wouldn't look real otherwise," she mumbled. A quick nod from him confirmed her suggestion and, she numbly continued to stare at her hands.

"You will hate me, want to kill me, wish to torture me after this. I will show no mercy when I find it necessary. I will be the Death Eater you thought me to be during your, ah, pleasant stay here in my house," he said while bending down and capturing her head in his hands. He cupped her cheeks and looked down his crooked nose to search her eyes. Her breathing stopped as his touch lightened into barely there, giving her sensations a bit of a shake. His deep eyes worsened it all, making her fall deeper into the pool of black that seemed to be him. It was like a cold, star-free night enveloping her, almost protecting her. It was as if it sought warmth that hadn't been found before, not found until something changed. Her eyelids slowly closed as her mouth hung slightly open. Her cheeks were warm and coloured, yearning for contact.

"I will spare you thirty minutes. Only thirty minutes. Remember that. Don't fall asleep. Simply make yourself tired," he said in a strange voice as he withdrew his hands from her and straightened up. It was as if he had brought her out of a pleasantly warm bath and dragged her outside to lie helpless in the cold snow.

"I will enjoy nothing," he said before leaving her to her own thoughts. She watched him walk through the door on the other side of the room and close it carefully before locking it with a faint click.

She looked around the room she was in and made a disgusted face. Did he really live here? Not that the Order had a better sitting room, as she presumed the room here was.

It was a very small room, if one really considered it. It probably broke every existing rule about making a room look bigger by aid of lights and a lack of furnishings. He had books everywhere. The only things to sit on were the couch and an old armchair, sort of grouped around a rickety table. The air didn't improve the feeling of it either. It would do the room well to let in some fresh air and get rid of the musty smell. Did he even spend any time in here?

Tonks stood up with a frustrated sigh. She was surprised – even puzzled – by her reactions to the events of the day. She'd been so pulled together so far. Only minor breakdowns. She wasn't upset by the knowledge that she now knew he really was going to harm her. She didn't know how he would do it, but she had a when – twenty nine minutes to go. A strange calm lay over her, like the calm before a storm. She didn't want to think about it like that, but it was a logical explanation, were she to need or want any.

Twenty-eight minutes and counting down.

'I must stop counting the minutes,' she thought with a tired smile. She was glad her watch had made it. Maybe she should follow his advice, or whatever it was, and tire herself out? Shaking her head she started to pace. It wasn't long before she was thinking about Snape again. How old was he, anyway? Thirty-eight? Thirty-nine? She'd heard he was the same age as Remus. 'Not that bad,' she thought.

'This is not the time for such thoughts, Tonks! You're about to be beaten, humiliated, hurt… Raped! And that greasy git will do it, so kindly stop thinking about anything else than…err…a way to escape or something,' her mind argued. Having two opinions, two voices in your head tended to make one a little confused, especially when one sounded like yourself and the other like Dumbledore – the voice that tended to be right about things. At worst, she was fighting an inner battle with the voice of Minerva McGonagall. She wondered at times whether she was sane or not. Perhaps she needed some kind of help, a shrink or something. Well, right now she did need help, and not the mental kind.

Ignoring the battling voices in her head, Tonks moved on, never noticing that she'd stopped walking at all. She paced from one side of the room to the other. Mostly her mind was empty, but as the minutes shrank slowly away, her calm began evolving into mild fear, quickly turning into a dull feeling of panic.

Snape entered the room, and Tonks felt her face drain of colour. It was absurd to know what was going to happen. He would hurt her on command, hurt her unwillingly even though his eyes were now shining in a way that made her stomach clench with fear.

He entered the room, and she took a quick step backwards. He didn't approach her, but chose to walk around her slowly, as if waiting for a reaction.

"Do it," she finally whispered when he had circled around her twice, eyeing her carefully with a slight sneer as if looking upon the irony of his life.

"As you wish, Nymphadora," he murmured, never breaking his gaze from her face. She swallowed and decided to close her eyes rather then watch herself crawl. It was enough to just feel it.

And so it began…

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_A/N: Again, many thanks to the wonderful Eldaria:D Review?_


	3. The first day, of a week

Chapter 3, The first day...of a week.

The searing pain in her left leg made her cry out once again. Her voice was hoarse, and it didn't take long until it broke so that she couldn't even manage to get a whimper through her lips. Which she was, in a way, glad for. Weakness was something she didn't want to show, but it seemed to be more difficult to hide than she'd thought. The pain from her injuries weren't helping either.

Her right eye was blinded by blood falling down from a cut just above her eyebrow. She'd been thrown through the room, and she'd hit the small table's corner with incredible force. Even her palms and knees were covered with small scratches and bruises; him having her thrown around like a toy.

Tonks sobbed as she watched him lurk in the shadows. She bit her tongue in an attempt to silence herself. He'd hit her with some sort of curse, but she didn't know which one. She hardly cared right now. A frightened sound escaped her as he started moving, and she quickly put up her defensives, or those she'd left anyway.

He was walking around her now, circling, as if watching his prey cringe in fear before striking again. She'd kept herself from making eye contact, but as she watched his black boots make their way slowly around her, she forced her head upwards. He raised a brow at what he seemed to take as cheekiness coming from her and strode closer. Tonks winced as he grabbed her chin and abruptly pulled her face higher up to meet his. She felt fear mingled with hate as she looked into his black eyes; fear for what she now knew he could do, and hate for the new knowledge that he could actually do this, and claim he was on their side. On her side. They were supposed to sit in the same boat; having the same goals in this war.

Thoughts of reason were long left to someone else to ponder, and Tonks let the pain, and the darkness around her, in.

"What are you going to do?" she whispered as she tried to swallow; but her throat was too stretched to allow that.

An evil smirk played on his lips as he caressed her chin playfully. Tonks glared at him, but he didn't flinch.

"Are you gonna rape me or what?" Her voice was gaining strength as she fought tears. Severus eyed her with an indifference that made her want to cringe. His grip, although not so hard, was firm so she quickly disposed of that desire.

"Not yet, Nymphadora." he replied with a smooth voice, silky as always when he spoke this low.

Tonks gasped when he suddenly grabbed her throat and pulled her upwards; forcing her to stand on her shaky legs. She fought him as her air supply lessened, but got no respond other than a steady shake.

Black dots soon appeared before her eyes, and she both feared and longed for the emptiness that was unconsciousness.

"Oh no, you are not getting away just yet, my dear Metamorphmagus." she heard him whisper before she was thrown down to the floor; hurting both her knees when impacting on the hard floor. She yelped but was silenced when something hard hit her stomach, probably his boot, made her gasp for air.

"This should do it for tonight. Mind you; you won't have any vacation while here." Severus sneered before bending down and grabbing her wrist to pull her up once again. Tonks hardly managed to protest as he dragged her through the room towards an old looking door.

"You'll stay here, and if I catch you even _trying_ to get out…." he needn't finish the sentence. Tonks, who'd just managed to keep herself from falling again after his violent push through the door, gave him a scared look but kept her aching shoulder set straight.

"Have a pleasant night…_Tonks…_" he sneered while slamming the door shut.

"You too, _Severus Snape_!" she spat back to the closed door before allowing herself to cry. Her throat ached after the hours, it seemed, she'd forced herself to be strong. It was a relief, in a way, to finally relax. Tonks didn't bother to look around the room, but went directly over to what should be a bed, or a very old and torn couch. Sinking down in it, Tonks buried her face in her hands and breathed in deeply. Her whole body ached and she could kill for a pain-killer potion, or just anything to revile the pain.

_The first day, of a week. I won't survive… I'll die and either spill out everything I know, or take the secrets to my grave,_ she thought as she dried her eyes. It was to no use, since new tears began to fall down her cheek; blurring her sight.

"_Tell me, _Tonks,_ how could you ever believe that you could keep secrets from the Dark Lord?" _

The words came back into her tired mind, brining back this day's events. Humiliation burned on her cheeks as she felt a burning hate towards herself. Was she really this weak? If Snape was on their side, then he could encounter many things worse than this, and she'd never heard him complain.

_Oh snap out of it Tonks! This won't do you any good! Remember what you've been taught; mind on escaping, and mouth shut. You can't say you won't make this, if you're not giving it a try. Focus; you need focus…_

She breathed in a shaky breath and slowly let it out, trying to rid herself from the annoying sobs that broke her stiff posture. Her eyes, now in the colour of dark grey, glared at the closed door in the other side of the room. She wondered what the bastard was doing right now. Telling all his little friends of the power he had over the filthy half-blooded Metamorphmagus stuck in one of his rooms while laughing? Or just having a nice, quiet evening in front of the fireplace sipping on his fire whiskey?

_I hope he chokes on his damned fire whiskey…_

Which was exactly what he was trying to do. He sat, unlike what she'd thought, in his kitchen constantly gulping down the amber liquid bottled up in the glass-jug he was currently holding in his left hand. Only to let himself breathe Severus let his right hand lower the now empty glass the table, only to have it refilled. Bracing himself for another 'bottom 'n' up', Severus emptied the glass without blinking.

"Damn…" he murmured as he sat down heavily on the old chair, letting both his hands rest on the cool surface of the table; still clenching both the jug and the glass.

He'd not been able to get away fast enough to miss her retort after he'd slammed the door shut. He'd thought himself to have a decent amount of walls and denials up to stand the night to come, but she'd ruined it all.

"_You too, _Severus Snape_!"_ still rang in his ears. Flashes of what he'd done to her came unbidden to his mind. Him casting various small hexes, hitting her, slapping, pouncing, kicking… He'd thought it to be the less painful thing to start with.

_Less painful? The girl is surely rolling around on the bloody floor in agony…_

But then again, he could've cast the darkest hexes he knew, causing her pain almost as intense as the Cruciatus, and he could've raped her as violently as Lucius Malfoy would've done… He could've been so much, much more cruel…

_Why am I not?_

_Because now, you've got a conscience._

_And that's a good thing?_

_I'm not even going to lower myself to answer that utterly stupid questi – ah…right…I'm talking to myself. Ok, thinking._

Severus lifted the jug to refill his glass once again but changed his mind and drank directly from the jug instead.

_Why bother refilling it all the time?_ he thought bitterly as he half enjoyed the dizzy feeling the alcohol brought to him.

_Sooner or later I'll have to rape the damned witch…not looking forward to it… _

"_You should be pleased, Severus, for finally having yourself a fuck without losing any money."_

Lucius Malfoy's voice came into his mind as he thought of what he would've said if he'd had the opportunity.

_Bastard,_ he thought while taking another gulp of whiskey. He didn't need to be reminded about what women thought about him all the time. He knew, and accepted it, and didn't care. What was the big deal?

A headache was beginning to take form, and Severus thought it wisely to stop thinking too much since it obviously wasn't a good time right now. Besides; it wouldn't be long before he would pass out, and he partly looked forward to it.

_No more thoughts for a while. Or dreams. Or anything of that kind about that damned Metamorphmagus. _

…

_Or stupid arguing with my own mind…_

…_damn this whiskey is good…_

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A/N: ok, this chapter wasn't that bad, was it? ;) though it may get worse from here. anyways, plz review? I know it was a short chapter but well... ;) hehe...


	4. Forbidden Pleasure

_A/N: so it's been like a100 years since I updated and I feel really bad...I just wanted the chapters betaed before posting them but it's been a bit too long XD anyways, I hope you like this chapter! finally some yum yum ;P_

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Wake Up

Chapter 4, Forbidden pleasure.

He glanced down at the empty bottle lying on the floor with a sour face. He hadn't had the energy to pick it up, and wasn't going to do so now either. He'd blacked out alright. It was two in the afternoon now, and his stomach growled at him for not having it fed.

With a swift wave of his wand, he conjured some sandwiches, a glass of milk and a banana on a tray, charmed to refill itself when needed. That way, he wouldn't need to do this three times a day, and stood no chance in forgetting. He carefully lifted the tray up and quickly left the kitchen.

As he neared the door where she was locked in, he once again cursed himself for being stupid enough to drink himself near death. She'd probably been without food for over two days, and he'd just been sleeping through the day.

Severus opened the door with a violent kick and stepped through; letting the little light there was flood the dark room. A startled pair of brown-grey eyes blinked rapidly as they tried to focus. Severus frowned at the sudden tug in his chest, which he covered it up with a smug smile when he noticed she'd regained her sight.

"Hungry?" he asked sweetly as he entered. Tonks was lying on the old bed by the wall, her face turned towards him. She wore a look of indifference, as if she'd gathered all her feelings and then thrown them away. He didn't like it.

"We don't want you to suffer on an empty stomach, do we?" he mocked; trying to get her to react. He was just slightly pleased by the angry look of fear that passed her features, but it left too quickly. He slowly placed the tray on the floor before closing the door behind him, while taking out his wand. He conjured up some candles to be able to see before locking the door. He knew thatthe first sign of falling into the dark pit of despair was showing no emotions. She was going to kill herself if she was to keep it all locked in. He wouldn't allow that. How was she to escape if that happened? He needed to break her new found defence, and he needed to do it now. If he only knew how.

"Aren't you a little rude, Nymphadora? I'm bringing you food, and what do I get? Not even a thank you? Tsk, tsk," he said while approaching her. He felt angry at the lack of respond. She just lay on the bed, watching him with a numb glare. He picked up his speed and didn't stop until he was just a few inches from the bed. With a threatening glare he bent over her and grabbed her wrists painfully. She yelped, and gave a surprised huff as he jerked her up to stand in front of him. Her control was lacking, she felt, but she wouldn't let him know.

"Not…even…an…answer?" he whispered into her ear as he held her close. She shivered at his warm breath tickling her skin, but stayed quiet.

"You seem determinant to make me mad, Nymphadora," he continued while slowly letting go of her wrists, which he'd held up over her head, only to let his hands travel down her arms to finally stop and cup her breast. He didn't know why he was doing this,and couldn'tstopthe strange fire thatwas waking inside of him; the flames burning, telling him to continue. The witch before him trembled as he let his hands trace her chest up to softly grip her throat. Clearly she still remembered how he'd almost strangled her. Yes, the bruises were still there, he noted. He tried to pull away then, tried to tell himself that he would be satisfied with a hard slap across her cheek, that if he continued with this it would break her and make her into the piece of weakness the Dark Lord wanted; but his hands kept stroking her soft skin.

"Push me away," he hissed as he realized he was inches from losing his control. If she didn't fight him…

"To what use?" she whispered back. Severus opened his eyes, without remembering having them closed, and tried to back away. He wasn't going to get any help from her, he knew, so he had to fight this himself. He'd thought himself to have succeeded, but as Tonks' hands gripped his shirt, dragging him close again, the fire inside of him threatened to consume him.

"Push me away and I will leave you," he growled while nuzzling his nose behind her ear, finding it hard to believe that he would be able to stand up for his words. Her natural scent had been dampened by the days and nights she'd spent without a shower, yet he could feel that sweet, lingering perfume of her skin. He sensed her shiver as he awaited her respond, every second that passed feeding the fire more and more.

"Why?" she whispered in a husky voice. Severus was more than surprised, but had lost his voice the moment he'd felt her hands leave their firm grip of his shirt to end up cupping his cheeks; forcing him to look down into her face, into her eyes. Her deep brown eyes with that golden streak around her pupil. Was it her real eye colour? He didn't get any time to ponder that question, as the flames now reached out and snapped his control.

Without thinking, he tore her t-shirt open; revealing a plain, white bra. His hand quickly found their way down her chest, nails cutting into her skin hard enough to leave faint, red marks. She whimpered in pain as he passed a hidden injury, possibly one of his spells having caused her the wound. Indeed, it was a red mark just under her breasts, but he ignored it. He had other things on his mind than healing her, which she must've noticed as she bit her lip to keep herself from making any sound.

He roughly pulled at her jeans and struggled to get her out of them, but had to stop as he knew he wouldn't be able to do so while she was still standing. He moved to stand even closer, if possible, and lowered his face enough to look her straight into her eyes. His hands snuck up to rest on her hips, slightly cupping her bum as he leaned forward; pushing her back into the bed. He hadn't meant to be gentle, but he had no control over what he was doing, and had no other choice than to let it happen.

Tonks closed her eyes as she fought the urge to move. She wanted to help him, wanted to get out of the now uncomfortable jeans she was wearing. The jolt of electricity he'd sent through her as he'd come up close to her the first time had taken her by surprise. A strange feeling had slowly started to consume her as she'd listened to his whispers, ignoring the threatening tone, and she'd just stood there, and actually enjoying having him so close.

_I am going mad. Something is wrong with me. He's beaten me, hexed me, insulted me…hurt me…_Her thoughts swirled around in her head as she felt his hands trace her wounded skin, roughly stroking and ignoring the injuries and the pain she felt. She gasped as something burned at her skin, something that made her arch up for more, no matter how painful. She opened her eyes and looked down to see him kissing her belly, making his way further down. He seemed to not be able to stop; it was as if he was eating her. The mere thought made her body twist as she tried to find some way to satisfy her now increasing need. Her mind refused to stop spinning as he parted her legs with his hands; almost attacking her with the look of a hungry wolf haunting his eyes. She groaned in pain at the way her legs were spread, but dared think it was worth it as she felt his hands leave their position around her thighs to join his mouth and tongue. It was wrong, and it would bring consequences, but neither cared. The darkness that was him, the cold night she'd felt him to be, wrapped itself around her. She could almost see the stars shining as she closed her eyes and arched her back in tries to end this sweet torture. She heard him growl, felt his hot breath, sensed his swift movements. It was forbidden pleasure, so forbidden, so wrong…so wrong that it could be made right.

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_A/N: so how that? ;) not so dark, I know, anda bit too loving but well...I'm finding it hard to be mean ;P anyways, review and I'll post the next chapter faster! _


	5. Something more than just a pawn

_A/N: hi! just wanna thank the (few, but at least some)reviewers! I hope to see you round ;) the next chapter may take some time cause it's_ _loads of work in school right now and my mind isn't into writing / anyway, enjoy!_

* * *

Wake Up

Chapter 5, Something more than just a pawn.

He'd left her there, lying on the bed panting, with a feeling of dread rising. He could still feel the flames burn deep down inside, awaiting the next chance to send him into a burning inferno of desire. It frightened him that he could lose his hard gained control that easily, and he wasn't even sure if the memory of her sweet voice moaning in pleasure was real, orjust what he wanted to remember.

Later the same night Lucius had come to visit with the explanation that the Dark Lord wanted to know how it was going, but Severus knew better. The man seemed as horny as any teenaged boy he'd ever caught in the corridors of Hogwarts. It'd been three hour he'd rather forget that followed Lucius' arrival. Severus felt disgust for himself, a feeling of jealousy creeping upon him at the unwilling moans coming from the room. Memories had washed over him while the flames inside of him had burned, and he actually, at one point, wanted to join them. That was before Lucius got brutal. The man's mind was twisted, and Severus couldn't understand why he inflicted pleasure before absolute pain upon his victims.

With a firm mental push he'd forced the sounds around him out. Yet her screams still, after several hours, rang in his years and he couldn't help but feel as if he'd betrayed her… But how could he? It wasn't as if he could've stopped him…but not even that thought brought any relief.

It'd gone a day since he'd seen her torn, one day since he'd healed her wounds. For some time ago he'd stood in the doorway; glass of water in his hand. He'd kept his walls up, prepared to leave if the burning inside of him grew. He hadn't been able to restrain himself more than a few seconds. He barely kept himself from dragging her close; her eyes reflecting her wounded mind and soul. At the moment he'd made eye contact, he'd growled at the sting in his chest; the remainder that he did possess something his students, and many others, believed him not to.

He'd thought back as he'd left the room and knew he'd known back then, when he'd heard her screams in both anger and pain, that he could do this no longer. He'd left her, sitting on the floor sipping on the water, to ponder on a new plan. To come up with something that would end his newly found misery and desire. It took him minutes to plot, but hours to prepare and he didn't leave until a bit after midnight.

* * *

"Severus?" said the startled voice of Albus Dumbledore. He had just entered his office, in the middle of the night, as he'd heard someone call on him. It was a surprise to find his Potions Master standing in the middle of the room; just the moonlight from the windows lighting him up. The silver seemed to add more to his famous cold demeanour as it danced over his silky hair, reflecting the piercing light in his black eyes. 

"Headmaster," he acknowledged with a curt nod. Albus kept quiet as he gestured for the man to sit down, which he didn't, before sitting down by his desk.

"I need to speak with you about Nymphadora Tonks." Albus was once again surprised by the grim voice, but nodded for him to continue. He had a feeling this was going to be a difficult meeting.

"I will bring her back here, to Hogwarts, as soon as possible. I will then return to Spinner's End." It was made to be short; he was even expecting just a nod and a good bye before leaving. It stung in the old man's chest.

"No," Albus said with a stern voice; his blue eyes flashing in the darkened room. Severus allowed himself to sneer. His surprise didn't show as he took a step closer towards the desk.

"I will," he growled. Dumbledore could tell he was impatient; that he'd thought about this for quite some time; that he couldn't wait to get it over with.

"Severus, if you do that, you will be caught as a traitor by Voldemort. He will do worse than just killing you. We cannot afford that. Besides, Severus, you know I couldn't allow anything like that to happen to…." He was abruptly cut off by Severus as the man raced to stand with his hands on the flat surface of the desk; eyes flashing dangerously as if he was afraid about what might have slipped off Dumbledore's tongue.

"We are all pawns on your chessboard, we are all given a task to fulfil, but this is getting ridiculous! You are by far the worst chess player ever! You need to sacrifice some of the pawns at some point; and I'm telling you this is the bloody time! Let me do this and she will be alive, and you won't lose yetanother contact in the Ministry."

Silence followed his outburst. Dumbledore watched the young man with wistful eyes as he thought of a way to avoid hurting him more than necessarily to make him change his mind. As he took a deep breath, he tried to not avoid those black orbs as he began to speak, only to get interrupted once again.

"But Severus, how about your position among the Death Eaters? Your original plan to save her…"

"…is not going to bloody well work! And you, out of all people, should know by now that the Ministry is what you will need to have control over at the moment. Besides, I haven't been able to give you as much information as needed. The Dark Lord does no longer trust me, and Lucius Malfoy isn't making it better. Some change has to be, or else nothing will get brighter from this point on. I have to do this!" The words seemed to reflect the self-hatred that burned beneath the surface of ice. There was something more he hid, Dumbledore knew.

How this man thought himself to be a creature as bad and unwanted as a Death Eater was beyond Dumbledore. The man was willingly giving his life to him, willingly closing his eyes for the dangers he'd put him through when sending him back into the place he hated the most. A warm feeling consumed him for a few, short moments as he though of the loyalty he'd shown him through the years, the silent respect that spoke more than the formal addressing he was so used to now.

Yet, these years had done nothing to strengthen the wizard before him. He seemed afraid to have the true words, those words he wanted to tell him, spoken. Yet he sought it, with a hand over his eyes, trusting the chaos of dark around him. A chaos only he, Albus Dumbledore, seemed to be able to control.

He needed to make a hurtful blow, even though he hated to see this man's self-control crumble. It meant so much, to be able to hide his feelings, that it even hurt the old man when he lost it. But Dumbledore wouldn't let him die for one life, when two could be saved. One moment without control could be either good, or bad.

"No, you do not have to do it, Severus. I may be the worst chess player ever, but I know a way out when I see one. Your original plan, it would work, I know it. Why wouldn't it?"

"Because I cannot go on like this anymore Albus. I can't. Please…" His voice was quiet, almost thick. It was as if his strength to resist and avoid those questions, the questions of 'why', had left him. Severus closed his eyes. He knew his look was pleading, that it was tainted with the hurt inside, and he hated it. It only kept reminding him of how weak he was, how spineless he could be. It shamed him to show Dumbledore this side of him. This weak, human, side. This side that would be to no use, a side that would've gotten him killed through the years of spying if he'd let it.

One last blow. Just one more word and he'd break. He opened his eyes and hoped Dumbledore wouldn't take the chance; that he wouldn't use thismoment of weakness to his advantage. It was in vain, and he knew it even before the Headmaster opened his mouth to speak.

"You are not the man I once knew, Severus. I'd never thought you would take the easy way out. I will not allow you to break your cover. I am giving you the task of following your first plan, and am expecting you to fulfil it. Am I making myself clear?" His voice was clear, and it cut deeper than Severus' own witty tongue would ever. He knew what he was playing at, but the walls were already down. His defences, his icy shield. His voice even quavered as he spoke quietly; his head bent down, facing the surface of the desk.

"Headmaster, she is…please, I cannot even close my eyes without hearing her scream in my head! It's gone three days, three long days…I am begging, _begging,_ you to please let me end this!" Dumbledore held his breath as he looked away from the man. It hurt, in every cell of his body, but he knew it would hurt even more if he'd let in to the silent pleads. The man was more than just a damned pawn in this game.

"Pull yourself together! Are you going to fulfil the task? Are you?" It burned. His words made him burn, it made him weak. He tried again.

"Albus…"

"_Are you_?"

'No, I'm not!' he wanted to yell at him. But he knew he couldn't. The need to please this man, to show him that he was of use, had risen once again. Even though he felt hurt, even betrayed, by the man's brutal way of tearing his walls down, he whished nothing more than to return to the powerful wizard's side; to the only place his soul could rest. He would leave this place of controlled chaos tonight, and he wouldn't return until his task was fulfilled. More than anything he needed to someday hear the truth roll off ofthe old man's tongue, but not now. Not when he was this fragile. Not when he was this _weak._

Before he knew it, the walls and defences were in place. He could be weak when alone; he could drown in his misery when no one watched. It was what he told himself as he straightened and met the blue gaze of his rightful master to serve.

"Yes, I am." With those words he left. No backward glace, no good bye. He had a job to do.

* * *

_A/N: hahaha that last sentance lol ;) anywayzz, how's that:) a bit emotional, I guess, but if kindawent well with the story ;P hehe poor snape;three days and he's already starting to know the fire..lol. let's see what I'll do next, ey? REVIEW:D (I could turn pyromaniac on yah guys...)_


	6. Consequences

_A/N: another chapter! omg! X3 tehe anyways hope you like it...as always I'm terrified I've done it too emotional, but for my defence it ougta be emotional coz of what's happening. lol. just read and review, will yah? -wink-_

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Wake Up

Chapter 6: Consequences

It was dark, as always, in the little room Nymphadora Tonks was occupying. Lying on the bed by the wall, she slept with a pained expression on her white face. She was tossing and turning restlessly where she lay; searching for a relief but finding none. What had plagued her for only a couple of hours came back each night; worse every time because of the new pains inflicted upon her when not alone. Nightmares slowly broke her numb body, and she wasn't alone in fearing it might be too much for her to take.

_He was there again. Standing in the doorway with that look of indifference on his face. She still remembered the glimpse of emotions she'd caught when he'd returned one night. He'd looked determined, lost, hurt… But as this night everything went blank and the same old routine took place. How long had she been here? Surely it'd gone more than a week!_

"_Push me away," he whispered. She froze at this. Where were his curses, his firm voice that uttered minor but painful hexes?_

"_Push me away and I will leave," he said again, now more loudly. What was he talking about? He was standing several feet away… No, it wasn't that far to the doorway, was it? Blinking, she took in her surroundings. She was sitting in wet grass, her clothes getting damper by the second. They were whole, not torn, since he always mended them before leaving. Thoughts on him again, she looked up to find him still standing by the doorway. It was there, clearly pictured in her subconscious mind, the doorway and the walls beside it. Yet here she sat, far away, on a pillow of grass in the middle of a forest._

"_It's eating me up! Please push me away! It's burning! Make it stop! Make it stop!" he screamed; now desperate. His face was no longer shut off from his emotions; it was twisted and his eyes were pleading. Remembering that night he'd lost himself totally, giving her pleasure that was so wrong, she unwillingly let out a moan. His pain showed so clearly now, and she longed to take it away just like he'd done after…after Lucius. Images flashed before her, closed out the black-haired man's face. She felt the familiar pain in her stomach and between her tights. She swallowed and slowly brought her hands up to her face, where she felt blood dripping from several small wounds caused by teeth. It was too much, all this that had happened, all this that refused to leave her alone… Helplessly throwing herself onto the ground, crying, she forced her eyes to look up on the figure in the doorway so far away. He was bending over as if he was in pain too, and she longed to see his face again. But it was hidden behind his black curtain of hair, and she was unable to see if he too was crying._

"_I won't! Do you hear me? I won't! I'll make you push me away! I'll make you disappear! I won't give in!" _

_Now gasping for air, she tried to make sense of his words; but she was in too much pain. She rolled around, back arching up as her eyes rolled back in her head. Then suddenly, it stopped. The damp grass underneath her cooled her burning skin, calmed her rapid heartbeats._

"_Severus?" she whispered, closing her eyes, but she was met by silence. Fear rose within her and her eyes snapped open. Rolling back to lie on her stomach, she gazed towards the place the doorway should've been. Nothing; there was nothing. Where had he gone to? _

"_No! Don't leave me here! No! Please, Severus, don't leave me alone!" she cried out into the empty forest. No sound of startled birds, no whispers from the trees, just silence. She was alone. Alone._

"_Why? What are you doing to me? What were you talking about Severus? WHAT DO YOU WANT!" she screamed terrified of what she was feeling, what she was going through._

"_I don't know…I don't know…"_

'_He's back,' she though happily while relaxing her tensed muscles, 'he's back!'_

* * *

"Nymphadora! Nymph…oh for god's sake…TONKS!" Severus yelled. He'd walked in to find the woman lost in herself, crying, screaming, mumbling words he couldn't make sense of, arching her back up in pain, and so far he had been unable to wake her from whatever nightmares she might be having.

"No! Don't leave me here! No! Please, Severus, don't leave me alone!" Severus froze at her sudden plead. What was he doing in her dream?

"Tonks, come on you stupid girl, snap out of it!" he growled while shaking her gently. He feared she had injuries yet to be healed, injuries she'd hidden from him, so he retrained himself from shaking her as hard as he wanted. Cursing himself mentally for even thinking in such a way, Severus slapped her a bit too hard across the cheek. Tonks didn't seem to notice, and kept sobbing in a desperate way. She was saying something, but he couldn't make out the words. Leaning closer, Severus concentrated and shut any other sound out…it was just her voice now…just her voice…

"Why? What are you doing to me? What were you talking about Severus? WHAT DO YOU WANT!" Almost falling backwards in his attempt to get away from the screaming witch, Severus winced at the volume her shaky voice could have. It took him a few seconds before the words that rang in his ears sunk in. '_Yes, what is it you truly want, Severus?'_

Sighing and sitting down on his knees, Severus gave up his tries to wake Tonks. He watched as her chest rose and fell rapidly; every muscle in her body tense and aware, yet not. A sudden urge to stroke her red cheek hit him, and before he knew it, his fingers lingered inches from her skin.

"I don't know… I don't know…" he whispered confused while caressing her cheek. Five days, and he already feared she'd done something that was permanently burned into his very core. What, he didn't know.

"Severus?" Tonks mumbled, breaking the silence. His answer was to withdraw his hand, stand up, and give her a wistful glance before turning to leave. He had known when he brought her here that his actions would have consequences, and only bad ones. Now he felt himself unprepared for what they might be, curious yet terrified. Would she break? Die? Would he break, would he die? Would he succeed?

"Don't, please, don't…." were the words that stopped him from leaving. Closing his eyes and clenching his fists, Severus took a deep breath before turning to face the woman on the bed once again. She had moved, and lay on her side facing him instead on her stomach with her head turned. Eyes in a dull colour of brown-grey that he knew all too well locked with his own black and he could almost feel the hurt and confusion that reflected in her every being.

"I….I am…" he started, but choked on his own words. "Just go back to sleep," he finished when nothing else managed to leave his lips. _'Coward.'_

"I can't…I don't want to…It hurts," she wailed while reaching out for him with her hands. Wanting nothing but to back away, to leave her there needing, Severus looked away.

"Then don't," he snapped before taking a step back. In a speed that would have been slow if it wasn't made by a wounded and tired woman, Tonks jumped up from her bed and stalked the few steps that were between her and Severus. He stood still, shocked but composed, and waited. She stood looking up into his eyes, searching. He didn't even try to avoid the hard slap she gave him, making his head snap to one side. He stood still, eyes once again closed, and waited until the burning feeling on his cheek disappeared before facing Tonks.

"I can't tell reality from dream anymore. Is this a dream? Are you really able to show any feelings at all? Can you speak without causing me pain?" she said with a frown of concentration, caused by her refusal to cry again. Severus stood silent, waiting for her to give up on him. He honestly didn't want to explore what had happened between them, pain or pleasure shared, because he knew it was to no good. It all was so wrong and unfair, as usual in his life.

"Somehow I know that you both can, and can't. I don't know how or why I know this. It's like how I really don't know why I want you near, why I feel safe, why I feel at all….Do you?" she whispered while grabbing his shirt, bringing him closer and forcing him to stay.

"It's more or less two days left until you may leave without too much suspicion. I will talk to Dumbledore tomorrow, and I will find out when he plans to come and take you away from here. Hold on to what little sanity you have left, Nymphadora, and forget about whatever feelings you have towards me," he snapped uncomfortably, knowing he was suggesting for her to forget feelings that kept her sane. But what else was he to do? If her mind truly had been twisted by his hands, if she somehow got the Stockholm-syndrome, then it would be difficult to unwind the mess he'd made. 'Love can not be found through something like this', he thought grimly.

"I don't want to forget!" she hissed angrily. Her eyes sparkled and the dull colour changed into a dark brown he hadn't seen before.

"You will!" he shot back before pulling at her hands; trying to get her to let go.

"No! And you can't make me push you away! You said it burned, you said to make it stop, but I won't! I don't know what you meant, I don't know what it is that you're hiding from me!" she screamed while clawing at his shirt for a new grip. He wished he'd done something to those nails last time she tried to scratch him, but now wasn't the time to wonder why he hadn't. Grabbing her wrists, Severus tried to still the hysterical witch. It ended with the couple falling to the floor, sitting together in an awkward position. Tonks felt herself being pressed against his chest in a try to still her, and gradually relaxed into the warmth.

"It's too much….it's so much...we…I…don't know," she breathed into the black fabric of his torn shirt.

"Yes, it is," he answered in his low voice, tightening his embrace in a search for peace. His heartbeat was slowly calming, yet it felt as if it still hit his bones in a very painful way. Sweat beads that had started to take form on his forehead was wiped away by his arm as he tried one last time to get out of this room.

"No!" Tonks said when his arms left her. Her own quickly went up around him, keeping him from leaving, and it was all that was needed for him to finally give up.

"Nymphadora…this only makes things worse. I shouldn't…" Severus began, but he knew he was stating nothing true, for his arms had already found their way around the trembling woman and a feeling of…rightness…settled over them. He knew then that what he feared, what he had known, was happening. Consequences of his actions where beginning to hit home and he could do nothing but wait for the final blow.

* * *

_A/N: yeah that was a lot of "I don't know"s but well...review? O.o (you better do that though coz my confident is lacking!)_

_hmm...some chocolate would be nice...lol...need to go and waste money on something that'll make me fat, so until the next update,_

_CHEERS!_


	7. What if I wanted to break?

_A/N: again sry for the long update lol and sry for the short chapter and loose ends ;P _

* * *

Wake Up

Chapter 7: What if I wanted to break?

"I do not trust him fully, Lucius, but he has never failed me like you have. He is one of my best Death Eaters, and his skills are more needed than yours at this time," Voldemort's hissing voice sneered. A covering black-clad figure shook silently out of pain in front of his feet. The muddy ground had made the otherwise clean and stylish cloak on the figure almost brown from the rolling around he'd done minutes earlier. The Dark Lord smirked evilly before snapping his thin fingers and calling out a name.

"Look up on the progress he's making. Search for small things, details, that could be considered suspicious. I want a report, not a speech from a jealous idiot," he snapped angrily. Another black-clad person bowed and Disapparated.

"McNair! Report."

* * *

How it had come to this, he would never know. Six days had passed, and one visit had interrupted his plan. This morning, he had wished and hoped today would be the day but it hadn't. A hoarse voice had called from downstairs, forcing a tired Severus Snape to quickly get dressed. His wards only affected those who weren't Death Eaters, on Voldemort's orders, and thus he wouldn't know if, let's say, Greyback came for a visit. Which he had, this morning. 

"Snape! I'm here to check on the Auror. Lucius tells me she's a real catch," he'd greeted the sour-looking Potions Master. Severus had responded by clenching his fists and growling in frustration.

"Still touchy when it comes to sharing the good bits, are we?" Greyback sneered in return. Now that Severus thought back, he wondered why he hadn't just killed the werewolf right there. Surely he would get away with it if he said Greyback was insulting him and the importance of his task? No, Voldemort would never believe that. But still.

"What can I do for you, Greyback?" was all Severus had said, annoyed to have a visitor that early in the morning. The wolfish man had grinned wickedly, showing off his yellow teeth, and waited for Severus to figure it out. Which he had. The question hadn't been necessarily.

"This way werewolf, but you will not come within ten meters of that damned witch," he'd growled while showing the way. Greyback had followed with a barking laugh that reminded Severus of Black. Which sunk his mood into something really nasty.

"Hello girlie, I heard you had a thing for us werewolves," Greyback greeted with his damaged voice. "Care for a rendezvous in the moonlight?"

Severus had been holding the door open, so that his visitor could peek inside and find the exhausted Nymphadora Tonks lying on the trashed bed. He didn't know why, but his relationship to her was now impossible to keep indifferent. Therefore a clean blanket and soft pillow had found their way into the room. This hadn't seemed to wake the careless wolf's attention, as far as Severus could tell.

"No thank you. Lately, I've discovered that bats are so much better in all ways," Tonks had replied coolly from the bed. Her cheek wasn't what Severus had expected, and he had wanted to slap her hard for opening her mouth. Greyback had left a few minutes later with the words; "She's not done yet Snape. I'll have a talk with our Lord, and he won't be pleased. This is taking far too long."

Slamming the door shut in the werewolf's face would've helped calming Severus, but Greyback chose to Disapparate like always. Now Severus was left standing outside Tonks' room, gritting his teeth in annoyance. He had to get her away from here before Voldemort sent another message-boy, which meant he had to contact Dumbledore tonight, or even today.

"Please, do explain why you are making this even harder," he growled when he opened the door. Tonks hadn't moved from her place on the bed, and had only wrapped herself in the blanket.

"Huh?" she said while blinking. She was obviously tired, and didn't seem to be able to sleep. He couldn't help himself; but how beautiful he thought she was. Such natural, strong beauty. A beauty he was destroying.

"_I can't tell reality from dream anymore. Is this a dream? Are you really able to show any feelings at all? Can you speak without causing me pain?"_

"…_I really don't know why I want you near, why I feel safe, why I feel at all….Do you?"_

So many questions he would never be able to answer. That night would be forever locked away in his mind, Severus knew. Whatever it was that had made him hold her tight through the night, made him dry her tears and cup her face to steal a kiss, whatever it was it was going to be forgotten when she woke up from this nightmare. When she woke up and healed; when she became someone he would like to know.

"You didn't behave like a broken woman; you didn't behave like a desperate prisoner. You made Greyback send word to Voldemort about my failure in making his wishes come true. You have now forced me to contact Dumbledore in the middle of the day. Explain," he drawled, some of his anger gone. He'd moved from the doorway to stand by the bed, glaring.

"I didn't mean to…but I'm not broken," she whispered while meeting his glare; eyes shining and cheeks coloured by either lack of sleep or embarrassment. Severus looked away and sighed.

"Stop it, Nymphadora. You are going to be out of my house by tonight and you are going to wake up from this nightmare. I am going to contact Dumbledore now, so get yourself prepared for your 'escape'," he said before turning to leave. She managed to stop him by taking a hold of his hand.

"I want you to know that I…I understand. It was the only way to save me, and you have. I'm not broken, and this is not a nightmare. This is life; this is reality," she said in a low voice, a small smile turning her lips upwards.

"This should never have happened," Severus whispered back, more to himself than her, and left. She stared at the closed door and wondered what had happened to them. Was she broken, so broken that she had fallen for Snape? Or was she still intact, free to follow her heart with a sane mind? She didn't know and most likely she would never know. He was gone to contact Dumbledore and in hours she would be free. But all she wanted was for life to not be the same as it had been before. Maybe if it changed, she could be with this dark, brooding man that had caused her so much pain?

"Please love me," she whispered into the silence of the room. Her eyes were locked on the door, which was now visible because of a small candle. She hadn't even noticed it hanging in the air before, giving her enough light to see the door from where she lay.

* * *

"All of you, out! Greyback, stay behind," Voldemort hissed. The werewolf had just returned and told him of the Auror's state, and about the little 'details' he'd wanted, such as a warm, clean blanket and pillow followed by a tray filled with food. What he had feared may be true. Snape wasn't the same cruel teenager he once was. He was giving in to the disgust many felt when torturing someone, and by the look of it the cold and intelligent Potions Master was also blinded by the beauty of women. Voldemort only knew one solution, and it was death. He was going to kill that woman, he was going to make her suffer and he was going to do it in front of Snape. He had to suffocate whatever the man felt, and he had to do it _now._

"Greyback, I want you to go and get Snape for me. But before that, send Nott to wait outside to fetch the Auror in Snape's home. He has to do that after you have collected Snape, understood?" he snapped dangerously. The man before him bowed and left without another word. These approaching hours were ones Voldemort was going to enjoy.

* * *

"He and some Order members are coming soon. They should be here within an hour," Severus said through the door, not daring to open it. His forehead rested against the cool wood and all he wanted was to sit down and close his eyes. 

"If I'm really broken, like you say, then…why don't I want to leave your house? Why don't I want to leave _you?_" a voice asked. Severus stiffened and looked at the door with wide eyes. She was standing on the other side by the sound of it. Without realizing it, he raised his hand and placed the palm against the door; almost as if placing it against her hand.

"You really shouldn't think too much, just let it go," Severus said tiredly. The door didn't have the same cooling feeling as it had seconds ago. "I did this to you Tonks, and you should hate me. I messed your thoughts and feelings up, so ignore it and just hate me. It's so much easier to hate."

It was quiet for a while, but Severus was sure you could hear the beating of his heart. It _was_ easier to hate, and he really thought it easier to be hated than loved too. But this was different. He didn't want her to hate him, yet he craved it. He needed to feel her anger, needed her hate to lessen his own. He didn't know, but perhaps it really would ease his own self-hatred.

"Then what if I wanted you to mess with my feelings? What if I wanted to break?"

* * *

_A/N: well things are beginning to close up now, aren't they? ;) anyways, plz review?_


	8. Rain and Thunder

_A/N: an update? from me? -gasp- I've got three tests to study to! I should be doing that instead of writing! ;D ah, well, hope you like it...review?_

* * *

Wake Up

Chapter 8: Rain and Thunder

_It was cold outside. The wind wailed harshly through the streets, and the heavy, dark clouds covered the sky and strangled whatever light there might've been at this hour. Window panes rattled, wood squeaked, dogs barked…the atmosphere was growing thicker by the moment. The shadows that moved along the rows of old terrace houses, sneaking up and gathering around a particularly old and worn house, was of two men. They weren't seen, except for their shadows, but you could hear their breaths in the silence, and the sound of fabric flapping around wildly because of the wind._

_But something more was moving in that peaceful bit of England. Too bad it, or rather they, were a bit late._

_The wind picked up more speed, if possible, and a doorbell rang. The sound cut through like a knife, but was silenced abruptly. A figure. Dark, tall. And an outstretched hand, denied, followed by movements._

_Moments ago you could taste the autumn when you breathed in the air. Yes, minutes ago the wind had been caressing a stray cat's fur. A mere breeze. But that was before. That was in the past. Nothing but the weather, and someone's plans, had changed. Everything else remained quiet._

_Until the figure disappeared. Followed by a shadow. And the thick, almost electric, air thinned while the rain started to pour down the shaky windows._

_It's strange how fast something can turn. How painfully obvious the end could seem all of a sudden. And it's amazing that a flame can be blown out by a mere breeze._

* * *

Nymphadora bit her lip. Her hands hadn't left the cool wood of the door. Her words rang in her ears; echoed on the walls around her. Emotions clouded her mind, made her heart ache, and kept her breathing. She knew a respond would be to ask for too much. She knew she would be forced to stand here an eternity before he said what she wanted to hear. What she needed. He must believe she was crazy. Insane. Mentally and emotionally instable. Which she was, no doubt. But some part of her brain, some weird, comforting voice, kept telling her only he could patch her up. Only he could heal the damage caused by his wand and tongue.

"I don't want to leave yet," she mumbled, lips pressed against the door. "I need more time to think. More time with you. More opportunities to steal your warmth. More. More, more, more."

Her tender skin tingled and hair rose as a chill went up her spine. His mouth on her neck. His hands on her breasts. Him in her mind, her dreams, her thoughts.

"This isn't insanity," she suddenly hissed, backing away from the door. "This is obsession!"

The room seemed to shrink into a frightening box that embraced her roughly. She stopped and blinked, trying to even her breathing. She decided then and there to let his words guide her shattered mind. It's a nightmare. It's wrong. It's insane. It's…it's life.

"I'm broken, you've brought me into this nightmare to save me from death, you've brutally beaten every part of my soul and body….I'm obsessed and I don't know what I'm feeling because of you. When this is all over, I will return scarred but alive. You will return as the same old bastard you were before. This'll be forgotten. You'll never cry at night because of me, like I will cry for you. You're not even listening. I don't even understand. I love you," she told the door firmly. Her voice was stern but shook. Her skin was pale and bruised, and her eyes were like amber; leaking salty tears.

It was then a bell rang, making her snap out of her trance and jumping backwards in fright. She ran over to the bed, curling up into a ball while amber turned into a striking colour of light-grey.

"What the…" a silky voice growled from somewhere near the darkened room Nymphadora occupied. "What do you want, Greyback?"

* * *

A man who looked worn and tired entered a room. His name was Remus Lupin, and he was in that room for a meeting. A special meeting. A meeting concerning a certain woman's escape from the clutches of darkness.

It was, in other words, about Nymphadora Tonks and Severus Snape.

Not being the one to hold grudges, he didn't really think Snape was evil. But the man had clutches, and he was like the darkest of nights. During winter. When it snowed. Preferably a snowstorm.

Lupin sighed. He, and everyone else, had been worrying sick about the clumsy Auror. It didn't help that Snape was the one who held the power over her welfare. Harry Potter had been even more sceptical about the whole 'plan' the Headmaster and, apparently, Snape had lain out, than most. Well, sceptical was too mature to use in the same sentence as Harry Potter, but right now, Lupin's tired mind was busy shaking itself mentally to search his vocabulary for a better description.

"Well, now that everyone is here, let us begin," Albus Dumbledore's voice stated when Bill Weasley finally arrived; clothes dripping wet. His mother scowled, but only received a shrug and a grin.

"The rain's pouring down out there," he said. "I almost got flushed away."

"It's the rain you're taking about, not the toilet," one of the twins said taunting.

"Yeah, well, at least we hope so," the other filled in, grinning. More people would've smiled, if it weren't for the tense atmosphere. It seemed like Dumbledore was just about to speak up, eyes twinkling yet stern, when he suddenly froze. All eyes rested on him as his blue eyes thinned and a flash of anger crossed his face.

He stood, faster than anyone would've thought possible, and hit the table with his fist.

"We are too late. Voldemort have summoned Severus," he said, hands clenching. "I'm afraid Miss Tonks was left behind."

Silence.

* * *

The forest was still. It always seemed to be still nowadays. Not that many people noticed this, since there was no one near to observe. Only the animals suffered through the changes of temperature and season.

This day, the weather had changed raptly. It had started out as a mild day. Breezes brining new scents to the older part of the forest, making some little bunny stop and sniff around. But the wind changed into a whip, and hit the younger trees until they bent to their knees. Only the tall and old trees seemed to resist its power. Now it had calmed down a bit, but rain had started to fall from the darkened sky. The leaves became slippery, and the ground turned into mud. Drops bounced off of black fabric, and soaked the clothes underneath. The quiet forest screamed out in pain. At least, it would've been nice if it'd done so, but it didn't. It was someone else's. And it told us of unbearable pain.

"ANSWER ME!" Red eyes glowered at black. Thin lips turned upwards, slightly parted after letting a scream pass, and rain washed away some of the mud in a pale face.

"Severus Snape, as cold as always… But, my dear servant, you are not anymore. I command you once more, to answer me! How did this filthy woman get to you, my most loyal Potions Master," came a sneer "my only Potions Master?"

Denials. Lies. It was a waste. Pale lips closed together. Mud soaked black hair and robes. He tried to pull himself up onto his knees.

"Master." Teeth bared but eyes indifferent. "I had to conjure up memories for Dumbledore to read. I had to base my lies on half-truths. He is skilled in detecting a lie, and any sign of subtle tries to make her stay more comfortable would strengthen his trust in me, my Lord."

The glowering, red eyes thinned and the white skeleton stopped in his tracks. Thoughts and musings moved behind his inhuman eyes, and soon it settle into a cruel amused glint.

"You are good, Severus, very good. Not many can manage to collect enough wit to stand up for their actions before me. You are a few steps from perfection, Half-Blood Prince, and it would only benefit me to shape the last part of you. Your weakened heart, your loosened grip of control…it all comes back to Dumbledore and that woman. Now, now…let's see," he hissed, staring to walk in circles around the man struggling on the ground named Severus Snape, "how to proceed?"

Severus heaved himself up, and landed on all four. He breathed in, eyes wide. The black curtain of his hair hid his face, and he couldn't make himself look up from the ground yet. He needed to calm down; needed to push away the pain and clear his mind. His Lord's words barely registered before new ones came.

"Right now, Nott and Malfoy are taking care of that Auror of yours. She won't be killed yet. I want to kill her. While you watch. That is my first approach," he drawled, stopping before the kneeling man and bending down to take his chin in his cold hand. Forcing him to meet his red eyes, Voldemort smirked.

"Dumbledore will be more of a challenge. I have two choices. Either I make Potter come to me, again, and face the old man off when he comes to rescue his little boy or…I simply have to find you something else to do than spy. Hmm…what do you prefer, Severus?" His name was caressed like a smooth hiss, and nothing could stop him from shivering. The disgust, the hatred. It was deeply buried. But the shiver slipped through his grasp. Voldemort threw his head back and laughed a high-pitched laugh. Severus' reaction clearly amused him. The dark wizard silenced a growl when the pale fingers of the Dark Lord left his chin. Standing up, the skeleton sneered down at the pathetic sight of his servant on his knees.

"You need to answer more quickly, Severus," he said before raising his wand once again. Another scream filled the air, but this time it was muffled by a lightening bolt. Thunder kept his screams faint from then on, but it didn't stop when his voice died. Something clearly had angered the weather this day.

* * *

_A/N: I was about to end this chapter after Dumbledore's talk and the 'Silence.' thingy, but...I've already made you wait so long for an update...so...yeah.. ;)_


	9. Fate

_A/N: wooohaaaa Oo um yeah sry don't have any valid excuse for updating so late XD honestly...I've been in no mood for writing X3 ah, well, hope you'll forgive me..._

* * *

Wake Up

Chapter 9: Fate 

Fate. It was always there, somewhere hiding for a surprise attack. Be it at the right time, the bad time, or neither of those - it just seemed to pop up from nowhere; reminding whoever the victim was that you should consider its existence once in a while. She wondered if it ever left one's side - perhaps it was the only thing, besides your shadow, that never left you?

Well, whatever it was, Nymphadora Tonks was currently blessing and cursing its painfully clear presence.

The supposed day, or rather night, of her glorious rescue/escape plan to be followed through (okay, so it wasn't really _her_ plan…) had progressed slowly. She remembered how she'd curled up into herself, as so many times before, and listened to the weak footsteps outside of her room. She'd tried to imagine the man whose footsteps echoed along the empty hallways in that old, worn-down house. She'd seen him before her dull eyes; how he walked away from her door slowly, but gracefully, making his way towards his living room and personal library. Then, he would stop in front of one of the bookcases. Maybe title his head a little, peering at the names of the many books that surrounded him like a wall - as the one of stone around his heart and mind.

She dared to smile as she thought of his annoyed expression if what he was looking for wasn't there; it was out of place and not where he had thought he knew, and wanted, it to be. A shiver would go through her as her eyes traced the imaginary finger that caressed the book spines one by one. The thin, pale finger that belonged to a hand large enough to fully cup her cheek, among other things, and spread warmth throughout her shivering body with a single touch.

Then came the slight sneer. That thin-lipped sneer that told whatever he'd been looking for, and apparently found, he'd won and wouldn't let it get away again. After the sneer, she'd see him taking a little step backwards before turning around. She had been almost certain by then that the sounds of his shoes against old creaky wood matched her mind's scenery perfectly. One, two, three, four, five, stop. Turn slightly. Sit down. Cross left leg over right, lean back into an old couch, open book, read. She'd tried many times to imagine his different expressions, as the silence indicated he wasn't going to move anytime soon, when he read or pondered difficult subjects. She'd tried to recall her time at Hogwarts; tried to see the strict Professor behind his big desk, cold eyes scanning the pages of his book as the class worked. But no matter how hard she _tried_, nothing but scary images of his face twisted in fury, disgust or evil contempt came to mind. But trying to put a smile onto the lips of Severus Snape took up more than enough time during her most uneventful hours alone.

She never succeeded though. She got as far as to a slight twitch at the corner of his mouth, but then a sarcastic smirk would take its place. Even the expression of calm and loose control was hard to place on the Snape in her mind. He seemed to be her puppet, her toy, but even in her own world she couldn't control him. She couldn't break him, or even move him, more than an inch.

But smiles and calm be damned; his burning eyes as he claimed her mouth was etched into her poor mind forever. Never mind that dangerous lust was as dark and untamed as his robes during a blizzard, gracing her skin like fire and ice; boring into her soul. The intense feelings he awoke, the chaos of pain, pleasure, relief and worry he inflicted upon her were almost enough to kill, she mused. From numb to so openly vulnerable and needy. It all happened so fast, all of this. This nightmare, this twisted reality that mocked her bruised mind and beating heart.

Curled up into herself, imagining a shadow move around, playing joylessly with her memories and questioning her sanity over and over again had been part of her daily routine. Not taking in the heated visits of her captor and saviour at night, sometimes in the afternoon, that would involve either half-hearted curses, numbing pain that had stopped hurting anything but her delicate skin somewhere along the way, or full fledged, undeniable lust. Never mind the fact that since the first time, that desperate break down when they both surrendered and turned their backs to logic, he would stop at each bruise he came across with his lips; pulling away only to return before snapping out of whatever daze he'd been put in. Maybe once, or twice, she would be able to lure him closer. But she couldn't really tell if it was all in her mind, or if it really had happened. Some things seemed so clear, like the calming sounds of his footsteps outside her door, or the memory of those burning, dark eyes…

What wasn't clear to her then, or even now as she sat staring blankly at the wall in front of her - thoughts never leaving that old house and its owner – was the surprisingly little amount of time that had passed. Only a few days, not even a complete week if she had been informed correctly. How could all of this have happened during so few days? It wasn't long ago she'd woken up on a Monday, dragged her feet to the office, and then back home; repeating the progress a couple of times and then…it was Friday. Not that it had mattered back then, she often worked on weekends and really, what was another week to add to these dark times where every waking hours should be spent to fight against the mad-man called You-Know-Who? In any case, days had passed swiftly, while now…it felt unreal. A week, that used to feel like two or three days, now had felt like at least a month. But she had not spent thirty days locked up in a rotten house with a Death Eater and spy extraordinaire. She had lived there for a week. A week. She'd taken several blows to her pride and being, lost any sense of sanity and ability to separate reality from dream, fallen in love with what was supposed to be her abuser and accepted it all with the normal grace that was Nymphadora Tonks.

Grace.

The word stuck in her mind as someone, she didn't know who, grabbed her shoulder gently; making her look up to meet a pair of kind, uncertain blue eyes. They seemed to belong to a man in his forties, the colour of his orange hair dampened by age and weariness. Yet his sharp features and slightly muscular body radiated strength.

The man was talking to her; said something about how everything was going to be fine. She wondered idly what his name was, and why he insisted on dragging her thoughts away from the pale skinned, dark eyed and haired man that made up the basics of her new self. This Auror, she guessed, with orange hair and strong yet gentle grip had been one of the five people who'd come and saved her. If saved even was the right word for it, she mused. Somehow she felt as if she'd left something behind, or at least left it where it shouldn't be. An image of Snape's annoyed face flashed before her eyes once again. Right, he couldn't find his book or whatever. A sudden pain shot through her body then, and tears started to well up in her wide, grey eyes. Mouth in a slight 'o' and fists tightly clenched, Tonks barely suppressed a scream. Great, that life-saving Auror of hers had somehow slipped when he'd tried to stand, apparently a bit too willing to give up on getting the young woman's attention. His swift movements didn't agree with the soaked floor and shoes he wore today though, and he ended grabbing onto an abused, daydreaming girl a bit too hard for support. A stream of apologies hit her ears, and she was beginning to make out the clear, deep voice that belonged to the middle aged man. No longer a buzzing noise, but a clear knife stab. The sudden pain had done the trick; she was now officially out of her comfortable, unreal daze.

Fear, pain, loss, confusion and wondering hit her like a train crashing. She gasped and turned to fix a surprised Auror with her intense, yet still distant, gaze. He backed away, but caught himself and shouted out some names before sitting down again and placing his hand on her shoulder once again.

"Miss Tonks, if you are ready now, we'll need to take you away from here to the hospital. By the look of it, you're out of the worst state of your chock. Please listen to me and. Calm. Down. No one is going to hurt you now, okay? We'll take you away from here, and take you to a place where they'll be able to reduce your obvious pain into something more bearable. Does it sound agreeable with you?" he asked smoothly. Tonks only nodded, eager to move. She didn't know why, but here, wherever it was, she didn't want to stay.

"Good, now Gerry take care of her while I inform the others," the man continued as he helped Tonks to stand. A young man with blond hair and brown eyes nodded silently and took over the older man's grip of the girl.

"You know, I'm kinda thirsty," Tonks stated shakily. Severus had been called away from his house around the time when he usually brought her dinner, and soon after a bunch of Aurors had stormed in and taken her away. The reason why she'd been cursing fate the moment Severus' door was kicked in disappeared when she was out of the house, numbly reflecting on the fleeting past and somewhat blessing fate for helping her out. She'd known, through Severus' warning, that Death Eaters could come knocking at the door instead of her glorious rescuing-team. But this time, life had decided to go nice on her. Though now, as her itchy throat and empty stomach reminded her that it would've been nice if fate had waited just a couple of minutes more before striking, she took up on the cursing part.

But oh, well. Who was she to complain?

* * *

_A/N: yeah very much Tonks in this chappie...don't worry, I'll post the next chapter right away and it's mainly Snape there ;P but dear Lord I'll need to finish this story soon coz yeah the plot thickens a bit too much if I don't X3 and I suck at those really deep stories...I mean hey it's not happening anything in this story really haha omg never mind I've eaten too much candy right now X3 -sugar rush- well, anyway, review:)_


	10. From this moment on

_A/N: ah forgot I need to excuse myself for all the grammar/spelling errors...so sry it was written in a rush X3 needed to update, y'know? and all the ideas that's been filling my head lately XD dunno if I chose the right ones or not...gaah never mind go on with the story ;)_

* * *

Wake Up

Chapter 10: From this moment on

He wasn't the type of person to whish for the pain to stop, nor actually voicing it. _"One day, it will be the death of you",_ he remembered someone telling him. Who, he couldn't recall at this moment. He was busy trying to keep himself conscious long enough to see if that bastard had gotten a hold of Tonks, or if the Aurors had made it in time.

Sharp, slightly un-focused black eyes scanned his surroundings once more. His arms were strained; being held up high into the air by magic and keeping him from collapsing on the ground. Voldemort, in all his glory, was walking around him idly while tapping his thin fingers along the black wood of his wand. This indicated that his patience was running thin. Nott and Malfoy were running late, and the Dark Lord didn't take lightly on having to wait.

A step from perfection. Loss of control because of Dumbledore and _"that woman"_? Severus gritted his teeth, blood being pressed out through them and dripping down his chin. How, indeed, did that woman get to him? Normally, he wouldn't admit this was true and certainly not consider pondering about it. But right now, his weakened mind was in the type of chaos he hadn't known for years. Still he managed to keep up a barrier around his thoughts, and only let the darker and more sinister thoughts slip out. Voldemort was, after all, the hardest person to try and fool. Even Dumbledore would be easier, if it wasn't for the old man's unnatural ability to read into your character and determinate with frightening accurately if you were trustworthy or not. Breathing in with a wheezing kind of noise causing him great pain, which only meant broken ribs, Severus began a slow progress to calm his nerves. Voldemort was inches from losing every ounce of patience and if he blamed Severus…well, that wouldn't be a pretty sight.

"My Lord!" the voice of Lucius Malfoy startled Severus from his quiet and painful existence and he barely managed to choke down on a gasp. Lucius seemed to be slightly out of breath, and though he couldn't see his face due to the mask, Severus could imagine the distress written clearly all over his handsome face.

"The woman wasn't there; it seems as if the Aurors came before us." At this statement Voldemort's pacing and tapping was abruptly stopped. His red eyes seemed to flash before he lifted his wand and caught a kneeling Malfoy and Nott in his wicked curses. Severus suppressed a smirk as he watched the eldest Malfoy writher in pain. It'd been a while since Voldemort punished the blonde in front of his dark eyes, but here he was looking down at an old friend and enemy feeling a sick kind of contempt he had begun to fear long ago.

"Lucius," Voldemort hissed, towering over his victims with his red eyes glowing once again and his nostrils flaring. "Weren't you fast enough, my dear Lucius? Was it not a simple enough task for you to complete?"

"M..master, I beg of you to forgive me," Lucius began, panting heavily on the ground. "Perhaps I wasn't fast enough, but my Lord, please, what if it was planned? Severus could've set it up!"

Severus froze. The beating sound of his heart in his ears quickened and the world seemed to stop. A though went through his mind then, _'Is this it?'_. Ignoring the desperate tone Lucius were using, focusing only on his Lord, Severus allowed himself a frown. He wasn't aware of the composed image he was displaying; perhaps he was too used to this acting to know its effects in situations like these.

"Tsk, Malfoy, that won't get you out of this," Voldemort sneered. Nott seemed to have been forgotten, Severus noted as relief washed over him for a second, but he was soon proved wrong as two raw screams hit his ears.

Several moments later, Voldemort turned to face Severus. His skeleton body moved if not gracefully, then at least smoothly, towards him. The dark-haired man had a sinking feeling that this would seal his fate somehow.

"It seems, my dear Severus, that the Metamorphmagus got away. If it was because of you, or something you did, Snape, then I am going to find out. But for now, it was just Dumbledore who worked his magic once again," the Dark Lord drawled before finally coming to a stop right before Severus dangling body. Thin, inhuman lips turned down in a frown. "But, these turn of actions has slowed the progress of my plan. What to do now, Severus?"

Severus tried his best not to flinch away from the cold touch as Voldemort's fingers took a hold of his sharp chin and titled his head to the side. Red eyes scanned his pale features, making the man shiver in disgust.

"Maybe I should remove you from Hogwarts and that old man's lap? Yess, that would be the easiest solution. But then again; I've never liked the easy way out, when something this fun of a challenge has occurred, have I?" he continued in a low hiss that could resemble a whisper. Severus pressed his bleeding lips together and breathed heavily through his nose, trying so hard to not pass out. Loss of blood, pain and uncontrolled emotions and thoughts had his power diminishing swiftly.

"Hn," Voldemort snorted, cold eyes glittering in the dark. His bony fingers tightened around his chin as he jerked Severus' head back to face him entirely. Whatever nails the creature before him possessed ripped at his bruised skin as he dragged his thumb along his jawline before speaking again. "From this moment on, Severus, you'll be working with me to finally destroy the senile old man at that blasted school. Perhaps going after Potter was a bad thing to do, with him alive, since it's progressing so slowly. But with him out of the way, Potter will be an easy target, no? You've said it yourself many times. The boy's useless and weak."

Finally, Severus thought, the chilly contact was broken. Slightly dazed and struggling to keep panic at bay, Severus' black eyes met the red ones of his master. He wasn't free of him, even though he'd turned his back on him secretly, and he couldn't refuse him any orders. For a moment, something he'd forbidden himself to consider again, flashed through his mind. Yes, perhaps that was for the best. Perhaps….no, Dumbledore needed to know. He needed to know everything, and the last thing he should is to take matters in his own hands. But…maybe, just maybe, he could take this monster on with his own power. Nudge Potter in the right direction, make things happen, take action. Dark magic against dark magic…would it be easier that way?

As he stared at the man before him, his numb mind began to form a plan. He knew it was wrong, knew he would dismiss the finished plot as soon as he come to his senses, but what harm would it do in his mind? No one but him would know he dared to consider this, knowing he would betray more than one if he should put it into action, rushing to his death as blindly as a noble knight or rather a desperate creature that has had enough of life's downsides.

No one but him.

_Yes, it's alright_, he thought. _No one but me…like before._

Whatever had kept him from collapsing suddenly disappeared, and he let his eyes close in what felt like slow motion. Like a leaf falling from a high tree, he slowly made his way towards the ground; already blacked out but clinging to life desperately out of reflex. _He had to inform Dumbledore. He had to inform Dumbledore. He had to report…_

* * *

"Albus?" Minerva McGonagall called out softly. Well, as softly as he strict voice would allow her. The old man by his desk snapped out of whatever musing he had been in and met her gaze with crystal clear blue eyes. A slight smile tugged at his lips as he sat up straighter and motioned for her to sit down in his usual warm and friendly way.

"Yes, m'dear?" he answered as she took the seat opposite of him. She frowned and folded her hands in her lap, ready to break the news.

"Severus has been found in the forest, right outside the school's ground," she stated, spine rigid as she remembered the sight of her colleague on the centaur's back. Observing her old friend before her, she saw how the warmth drained from his eyes and the wrinkles around his mouth and eyes took on a worried look.

"I didn't feel the barrier waver….right outside the school's ground in the forest, you say? How did you find him?" he asked as he stood and walked towards the door. Minerva followed suit and pursed her lips before answering.

"A centaur came carrying him on his back; Filch spotted them on his rounds around the castle." Dumbledore nodded as he stepped down the stairs, his pace fast and steady.

"I trust he's in the hospital wing?" McGonagall shook her head slightly, knowing he couldn't see, before answering with a no. He turned his head slightly and frowned.

"He's on his way Albus. Poppy and Hagrid are taking him there now as we speak. He's badly hurt, from several dark spells and curses, so they are carrying him without magic just in case. Poppy will need to examine him properly before risking any permanent side affects," she explained quickly, hurrying her own pace to walk beside the man and placing a calming hand on his shoulder.

"I just hope nothing has gone wrong," Albus mused. "In mind or body alike."

* * *

_A/N: review? even though I've been a bad author? -puppy eyes-_


	11. Weak Mind

_A/N: yay another update! X3 I'm very nervous about this chapter though Oo hope it's not too OOC or emotional XD_

* * *

Wake Up

Chapter 11: Weak mind

He couldn't really describe the rising pain he felt as unconsciousness slowly left him, since any kind of reasonable thought had left him long ago and wouldn't return until he'd gotten himself some painkillers and a big glass of whiskey.

White, gray and black dots made up his sight and he was unable to determinate if his eyes were open or not. The throbbing in his head suddenly increased in volume and a buzzing noise pierced his ears. What was happening? Groaning and cursing through tightly gritted teeth, he tried to move his arms enough to support his weight as he began to sit up. Still somewhat blind and disconnected to the world around him, Severus had to admit defeat as a ripping pain shot through his body and he slumped back into the uncomfortable sickbed.

"Dear Lord Severus! What in the world are you trying to pull off?" an annoying, soft yet high-pitched voice snapped angrily from somewhere around him. Blinking, Severus stilled himself and went quiet. Desperately trying to figure out exactly what the hell all this was about, he temporarily forgot about the pain. This was, as stated before, only temporarily though. When a cool hand grazed his forehead, and a pointy object poked at his stomach, Severus let out a howl worthy of a werewolf.

"What the hell woman?! Are you trying to bloody well kill me??" he sneered, suddenly sitting upright and glaring straight at the frowning face of Madame Pomfrey. Her lips tightened and she folded her arms across her chest; right hand gripping at her wand hard enough to make her knuckles go white.

Severus' sudden outburst died as soon as it had occurred, and back was the ever-so-annoying pain. Dammit, he couldn't even move an inch for God's sake! Well wasn't he a pathetic sight to behold.

"No, I am trying to save your godforsaken life Severus! Now stop moving around like a silly first year old having his first shot_, and stop giving me that look_!" Madame Pomfrey half hissed, half shouted in return. Her face had gone from pearly white to an amazing shade of red; something he felt he'd witnessed one too many times. Her insult went on deaf ears, since he was now once again this night (or was it the next day now?) concentrating hard on his breathing to keep from passing out. Something nagged at the back of his head though, and he'd be damned if it didn't stop. There was nothing he detested more (not counting in Potter or lemondrops) than not finding what he sought. Frowning deeply, he ignored the irritated shrieks from his right asking him if he was even listening.

"Albus," he mumbled, suddenly rigid. Hissing as a new wave of pain went through his body he decided to speak up to the witch and tell her his needs. "Poppy, I need painkillers now. Take the potion I made you last month, the one with the snake-blood, and give it to me _now._"

If time could freeze, with you still present and aware of it, this was such a moment. Madame Pomfrey had been in the middle of one of her rants - picking up and arranging different vials and notebooks, along with several strange looking objects Severus had learned to fear, while muttering and occasionally accusing him of various things in a loud and clear voice that explained the buzzing sound he'd heard earlier - when he interrupted her with this request.

"Severus?" she asked, brown furrowing together.

"_Now,_" he hissed, head turned her way and black eyes burning into her own wide ones. She pursed her lips and snorted, but turned around and went straight over to the nearest cupboard, which she opened and searched for a while before grabbing a green-colored vial. Returning she opened it and made a move to pour it down his throat. Growling, Severus snatched it away and drained it on his own; ignoring the pain. He suspected he was already drugged with some kind of pain-dulling potion, since he hadn't thrown up yet and could bear the pain well enough. But right now, he needed something stronger if he were to keep himself conscious.

"The potion won't do you any harm, but why this one? It's not the strongest, the one you usually ask for, but the slowest," Madame Pomfrey said slightly puzzled. Severus spared her a sneer before closing his eyes as the potion ran through his veins; relaxing each knotted and stretched muscle on its way.

Indeed, it was the slowest potion. First it relaxed muscles, and then dulled the pain slowly while upsetting his mood, before dragging him into a groggy state that much resembled a night's drinking with Hagrid. The time it took for the potion to get that far was enough for him to managing in leaving a repot. He did intend to be able to talk to Albus like a normal person, and not a drunk. The potion he usually took would've made him unable to form a complete sentence by now, so he'd stuck to the slow version.

When he finally opened his eyes again, collected and remotely calm, he pushed away the annoying hands of the school nurse and growled.

"Go fetch Dumbledore; I need to report to him," he drawled, keeping a fretting Pomfrey at bay.

"That can wait until I've treated you properly!" she snapped, taking something that looked like a crooked scissor with dulled blades into her hands. This made Severus even more eager to get Albus there as soon as possible. Pomfrey cut him off before he could speak up again and said through clenched teeth; "I managed to heal your ribs and inner bleedings, even fix that dangerous strain in your spine, while you were out of it! But you've suffered from many dark spells and curses, young man, and if I don't get to treat…."

Severus' mood was rapidly darkening as the potion in his body shook his patience and control he had, making him cut her off with an irritated and childish retort that made his pale cheekbones take on a minimal flush, which could be mistaken as 'color-returning-to-his-face'. Only his skin didn't have much color to have returned.

"…and if you don't get to stuff me with hundreds of different potions and poke me with crooked scissors and hooks while waving that damned wand around, you won't be able to sleep calmly?" was what he spat out. Realizing his slip, Severus quickly covered it up with a "Just bring Dumbledore here you damned nurse!"

Pomfrey sighed and came to the conclusion that the fastest way to get the sour Potions Master well again was to let him have his way for now. After all, he always commanded to see the Headmaster after coming back like this. Though he usually weren't this hurt, or drugged with painkillers, when he made the requests. But when he'd finally said what he had to say, she always managed to 'stuff him with a hundreds of different potions etc' before he got away and locked himself in his chilly dungeons to sulk for a good few days.

Seeing her obey his orders, Severus leaned back in the bed and let out a huff. No, not a huff. He didn't _huff._ He _snorted_. Reminding himself of this, he allowed his mind to analyze his situation.

Voldemort had surprised him with the sudden change of approach. It seemed he'd finally learned from his mistakes, and had begun to think a bit more logically. Maybe the reason for it taking so long was that he really wasn't someone to admit his faults and mistakes. If so, it surprised Severus even more. Would Voldemort _ever_ admit it? Well, it seemed like it. Then again, perhaps he'd made up some sort of excuse to soothe his fried nerves to be able to do it.

Anyhow, it didn't concern Severus and the current problem at hand.

Voldemort had now removed Severus from his position as an information seeker, though not entirely of course, and set his mind on killing off Dumbledore. It hadn't been a priority before, since it was, in fact, almost impossible. And if you looked at it as an outsider, you'd think it'd be easier to take on Potter first. But Severus knew the boy didn't fully rely on luck and the Order's powers, but also on his friends and his own abilities. Of course, Dumbledore and the Order (himself included, thank you very much) played the main role in keeping that obnoxious brat safe, so yes as an insider he had to admit it'd be easier to try and sneak up on Dumbledore. Which could only mean it was only a bit less impossible to get to Potter than Albus, since he rarely cared for his own safety when the boy was concerned. Though Potter was much the same, not caring for what could happen to him when anyone he cared for or just simply fucking _knew_ were concerned - but at least he had Dumbledore's full protection along with his followers in those situations. Albus rarely had much people around to protect him, most of them being busy doing something else, even though everyone wanted the old man safe and sound. But still, it was impossible, right?

Groaning and letting his shoulder slump a bit, Severus shook his head slightly. Impossible, impossible, _impossible._ Was it something his mind wanted him to believe in? Of course it wasn't impossible for Voldemort, the Dark Lord, You-Know-Who, his 'Master' as well as nightmare monster, to follow through with whatever plan he had and kill the old man. But for Severus, it was.

'_I might as well start to really prepare myself for a painful death',_ he thought bitterly. _'There is no way I'll die on the battlefield anymore. With these turn of events, I can only end up at the mercy of the Dark Lord.'_ His thoughts were painfully true, he knew, since there was no way in the world he could follow through with Voldemort's orders. And disobeying Voldemort several times in a row often leads to torture, if he still has use for you, or death. Severus doubted he could be of any use to anyone after another dose of what he got today (or was it yesterday?). Mental stability only took you this far, he'd learned. After all, when was the last time he'd allowed his mind to stray and wander this freely around the subjects of his own or his superiors' deaths? If he remembered correctly, it was the night he came to Dumbledore's office only to become spy. Fancy the thought of him fantasising about his and Voldemort's death, or fearing for Dumbledore's, 24-7. But that wasn't the case. He'd banned these thoughts from his head, because he didn't need anymore gloom and depression in his life and mind.

"Ah, Severus, you're awake!" a jolly voice called out. Choking on a yelp and fighting down the urge to jump in surprise, Severus was dragged out of his chaotic mind by none other than Albus Dumbledore. Severus sat up straighter, shoulder stiffening, and slung his leg over the bedside, facing the old wizard directly.

"Pardon me for not standing fully in your presence, Headmaster," Severus said with a slight sneer followed by a smirk. He'd erased the word smile from his vocabulary a long time ago, which somehow seemed to amuse the old man before him in situations like these.

"Ah, it's quite alright m'boy," Albus assured, chuckling slightly. A few, short moments passed before the atmosphere sobered and turned tense. Albus waved his wand gracefully and sat down in a comfortable chair in front of Severus, lacing his fingers together before placing his chin on them and his elbows on the arm rests. "So, what happened?" he asked, blue eyes scanning the younger man carefully.

"It seems I've been proven wrong," Severus stated, meeting Dumbledore's puzzled stare with a hard look. "Voldemort has now changed priorities. Instead of going after Potter, he's going after you. Through me, of course."

Albus sat still in his chair, his eyes fixed on Severus' face in a way that made the dark-haired man slightly uncomfortable.

"_From this moment on, Severus, you'll be working with me to finally destroy the senile old man at that blasted school. Perhaps going after Potter was a bad thing to do, with him alive, since it's progressing so slowly. But with him out of the way, Potter will be an easy target_," Severus continued, voice even and eyes steady. He paused to sneer and added with heavy sarcasm; "I believe those were his exact words. Forgive me if I left something out, I was a bit…distracted. Nevertheless, it seems like he's finally learning from his mistakes. My, what a good boy. Potter should take after him. Minus the world domination part though. I don't fancy kneeling at _his _feet."

Dumbledore sighed and shook his head, breaking eye contact in the progress.

"Your wit is surprisingly dull after the right dose of painkillers," he stated, a slight smile tugging at his lips. It disappeared soon enough and was replaced by a frown. "Putting that aside, I need to consider these turns of events as much as you need to rest and recover properly. I'll leave you with Poppy and return tomorrow at the earliest."

Severus watched as the old wizard stood up and removed the chair with a lazy wave, looking down on him from his standing position.

"I doubt I'll need to be here for so long, Headmaster…" he began, but Albus simply held up a hand and shook his head; silently telling him it was no use to argue, no matter how satisfying it was to let some frustration out. Unfazed, Severus continued with a frown, "Which reminds me…how long have I been here?"

"You were brought here yesterday, late at night," Dumbledore responded, already making his way towards the exit. "It's late evening now," he stated absently, making a slight pause to turn his head and meet Severus dark eyes, smiling, "and don't worry yourself too much after you've calmed down. Young miss Tonks is doing well and should be out back at her home by now. She doesn't seem to hold any grudges against you; I questioned her yesterday. It was quite the opposite, in fact."

And with that, the old twinkling bastard was gone. Severus stared at the doorway, mind in a new state of chaos. He'd forgotten about her. Since he passed out, or rather since Voldemort told him of his new 'plans', Severus' mind had been too preoccupied to spare the young woman a single thought.

Which was perfectly fine. Absolutely right. He didn't need to waste time on thinking about her, be it scenarios where he made her speechless or flushing red with his witty tongue and remarks or not, she was just a finished chapter.

Right.

The painkiller had long ago made his mind into a cotton field bathing in fog, but it seemed to have worsened. Not only was he ignoring the facts that many consequences would follow up with his actions, such as a shaken and probably destroyed Tonks and the whole Order biting at his heels because of his _cruelness_ and obvious _evilness._ Slowly sinking back into a lying position and letting Pomfrey do whatever she needed to do, Severus just didn't care. The Order may think he's cruel and evil. He wouldn't deny it all. He was cruel, but he wasn't evil. That's just the way things are. If he needed to break down an innocent girl, no matter how annoying, he would do it but he wouldn't enjoy it. And he hadn't.

Tonks. Nymphadora Tonks. A clumsy and annoying piece of young woman. He'd hurt her so many times it should've become easy, yet he'd caressed her body as if it all mattered…but he wasn't the only one, a voice from somewhere deep inside of him hissed. Suddenly the sight of Lucius twisting in pain on the cold ground and his own mental fantasies made his feelings at that time much more justified. One day, he promised himself in a rush of anger, he'll make him pay.

However, Severus' once again greatly weakened mind strayed back to the image of the woman's full lips as they parted, blowing a sigh of content through them. Before he could trace her curves with eyes and fingers, it was quickly replaced by the door which had held her captive. His hands grazed the rough surface, ears picking up her desperate words. Calm, quivering, _loving_, scared and desperate, they were. He couldn't remember it all now, on the brick of unconsciousness again, but her words moved something deep within. Nudged eagerly and made it move a few inches. His mind must be mixing memories and making it into one, he concluded, since he felt things you could only feel when in another's embrace. But his hands were still at the door. She was still locked inside, whispering. Calling out to him through the door, reaching out and touching his hands through the wood. Yet he felt it clearly. Heard it clearly. But he wasn't satisfied. There was something more to it, he knew. He needed to open the door. That was it! He reached for the handle, but couldn't find it. He frowned. Why wasn't it there? He remembered every single time he'd pressed it down to let himself into the darkened room with its hunched, beautiful witch on the floor or bed. But it wasn't where it was supposed to be, and he needed to know what drove him to her. Needed to know what she wanted; calling his name like that.

He hated it. Why couldn't he open the door dammit?

It all soon faded away, and before he could ask himself why he even bothered to struggle with his own dreamy world of fuzzy memories in the state he was in now, or even why he'd dared to call her beautiful, he fell into the darkness once again.

If he dreamt then, it was about a certain woman. But if he'd found out, there wouldn't be a way to stop it. This new chaos, this new crack in his dark being, was it the result of a weakened mind, or heart? Was it even weakness? But he wasn't the only one falling deeper and deeper into the darkness of the night, even after the supposed nightmare had ended. A whispered name smoothly falling from the lips of a woman sleeping peacefully far from here told of a new kind of dream, in which the lights are on instead of switched off and where doors are opened instead of locked.

* * *

_A/N: the end of this chappie was a little...well, anyway, it's some kind of end coz now I'm gonna try and twist this story around a bit. coz you know you want more lemonade, right? or perhaps I'm wrong...maybe some angsty death or how about a sappy cliché? -evil grin- now you really don't know what I'm gonna do with this story, eh? mwahahaha!! I'm having so much fun writing this right now XD don't ask me why; I'm giddy and happy at the moment. even though I'm currently freaking out in my A/N on one of my darker stories knwoing full well you've been questioning my sanity for a while...ah, well, what to do about little me? _

_how about sending me a review:) coz you know I love you ;)_


	12. Amber

_A/N: Hello! It's been more than a while, and I am deeply and truly sorry but I have been in the worst writer's block ever. I know, that's no good excuse, and again; I'm sorry. I shall cease my pointless excuses and pray that you still want to read my story and support me so I won't give up on this. See, I was strong enough to recover a bit from the dreaded writer's block. The question is...will you help me kick its ass? It sure deserves it XD_

_ANYWAY, on with the long awaited (or perhaps not?) chapter which I couldn't find a good title to so whatever XD_

* * *

Wake Up

Chapter 12: Amber

It had been two days since she had returned from Severus' house. After treatment and a few dreamless potions for her aid, she had been allowed to go home and sleep in her own bed. She had collapsed, without finding time to take the potion she'd been given from his stocks, and fallen asleep. The next day, around lunchtime, she had awoken with strange fuzzy feelings and a smile. Her dreams were partly forgotten; she could only remember feelings, scents and colours. Frustrated that she couldn't grasp the contents of the dreams, Tonks had quickly pushed it away and begun her first day in freedom.

How strange it had felt. As she'd gotten up from her bed, walked out from her bedroom towards her kitchen…it was as if she was a stranger. It had taken her a while to remember in which drawer she could find the spoons, or in which cabinet she had her bowls and glasses. Even as she got dressed and left for the Order's headquarters, she couldn't quite feel at peace.

"Tonks!" the voice of Remus Lupin called, breaking through the young woman's musings like a bullet. She jumped in surprise and blinked as his face came into sight, startled and a bit annoyed that she now had lost her train of thought.

"You look better than yesterday; feeling better?" he asked with a worried smile. Tonks smiled and nodded. "Yeah, much better, thank you."

"Good! Well, anyway, the meeting is about to start and I just wanted to tell you that," Lupin began, trailing off as he took a deep breath, "that Severus will be attending this time."

Tonks' eyes widened and she felt a pang of excitement in her lower stomach, causing her to squirm a little under the worried stare of her friend. Yesterday, after she had gone to the Order for the first time in almost a week, Severus had been nowhere to be seen. She had even looked for him, glanced around the kitchen, the living room and even snuck down to the basement. She told herself she just wanted to know if he was okay, and not that she missed him in any way, and she'd asked Dumbledore after the meeting if his Potions Master was alright. The old man had smiled and assured her he only needed some rest and then he would be back fully healed. Tonks had been unable to suppress the sigh of relief at the time, and now as she stepped into the room where the meeting was held it wasn't any different.

She'd assured Remus that it was fine, and now as her eyes landed on the brooding and oh so familiar black figure she could only bite the inside of her cheek in order to keep from smiling. His black and cold glare sent shivers down her spine, and when he quickly looked away and hid behind his raven hair she blushed, for some unknown reason. Perhaps it was the spark of pain and lust in his eyes that left her wondering, or was it the sight of him that excited her so? Trying to hide in the corner, leaning against the wall with arms crossed and one foot over the other, while looking away and shielding himself with his hair. He looked so alone in the faraway corner of the room, surrounded by Order members that were glancing nervously at her while sending disgusted glares towards him.

"Tonks? You okay?" Remus whispered, nudging her back in order to make her move. She might not have realized it, but she'd been staring at Severus for quite some time. Her blush deepened and she quickly entered the room, barely avoiding falling as she tripped on her way towards an empty chair.

"There, there luv," Mrs Weasley, apparently sitting on the chair beside her, said soothing with a look of pity. Tonks flashed her a strained smile before focusing her attention on Dumbledore.

"I declare this meeting opened," his calming voice stated. "Since I have yet to complete a reasonable approach of these new turn of events, we shall begin with sharing the new pieces of information or ideas you have hopefully collected. Let's see, ah, Author! How are things in your department?"

Tonks tried to listen to the numerous of enchanted muggle-products and the discussions this provoked, but her mind slipped into the state she had escaped to during the long hours locked up in that dark room. She couldn't hear or see anything but him. It was such a bad habit; she had found herself repeating it whenever her attention span ceased. The sound of his footsteps outside the door, the sharp image of his face hovering over hers, the feel of his hands, and the taste of his lips, everything in her memory was so detailed, so precise, it almost scared her. But now, as the room and the people around her faded into a blur, it wasn't a mere image in her head before her. It was real. His pale skin, hidden beneath black robes and his eyes, behind a curtain of silk, seemed to avoid her. Yet he was the centre of her attention, the centre of her world. She was twisted, she was wrapped around his finger; she was craving him.

Her eyes changed colour again, something they had done on their own a lot recently, and turned a deep colour of amber with streaks of gold. Her breath was quiet and heavy, and her plush lips were slightly parted. The strange feelings from her dreams, her memories, twisted and turned into a knot in her lower stomach. Then, he turned. His piercing eyes met her dazed ones, and it seemed like he saw through straight into her soul. The knot in her stomach tightened and made her let out a sound close to a mewl, as she quickly pressed her thighs together on impulse. The pressure this caused the junction between her legs was most welcomed, and she had to bite her lip in order to silence a moan. The man putting her into such a state raised a sharp eyebrow as his mouth twitched up into a smirk. If possible, his eyes darkened and held her gaze transfixed while the blur around her almost disappeared into complete emptiness. However, a hand placed gently on her shoulder snapped her out of the world devoid of awareness and any sense of logic there was.

"Tonks dear?" Mrs Weasley's voice said, sounding rough and unpleasant in the younger woman's ears. Her heart was beating incredibly fast, and she was cold sweating while almost consumed by the strong fear that clung to her like a terrified cat. To have her mind's world shattered in an instant left her lost and shaken; having lost the warm feeling of safety and of being…seen. Severus was still watching her though, a slight frown disturbing his otherwise stoic features, and she didn't dare break eye contact should it be too much for her to lose.

"I'm fine, Mrs Weasley. Just a bit tired, 's all," she answered, leaning back in her chair while trying to calm down. The older witch didn't seem convinced, and worriedly followed Tonks' stare to end up looking at the pale face of Severus Snape. She huffed and barely contained her anger as she willed the man to look at her instead of the poor girl beside her. It didn't work, and all she got was his mocking grin that she somehow _knew_ was directed towards her.

"Well that should be all for now. Thank you every one," Dumbledore declared, standing up while all the others followed suit. The old man turned and met Mrs Weasley's gaze before continuing. "And Molly, would you prepare some tea for those who will stay? I think a cuppa tea and some of your delicious snacks would go down well with all of us."

"Oh with pleasure Albus," the woman replied, following the stream of people exiting the room to make her way to the kitchen.

"Ah, Severus, would you stay behind a bit? I need to exchange a few words in private," Albus said to the man standing in the corner still. He gave the old man a curt nod in respond, eyes elsewhere. Elsewhere being on Tonks standing still by her chair, fidgeting slightly.

"Was there something you wanted, Miss Tonks?" Albus asked, turning as he followed Severus' stare to end up facing her. The young woman had a blush across her round cheeks, and her usual pink hair had taken the colour of light brown with streaks of a darker shade here and there. Her eyes, still locked with the Potion Master's, were shifting from deep amber to a lighter brown, as if they had a hard time deciding what suited her best.

"Um," she said, slowly looking down and breaking eye contact only to look up and meet Dumbledore's blue instead. "I'll be finishing sorting and examining the documents you gave me today, and since Kingsley is out on a mission for now I was wondering to whom I should give the finished result?"

Dumbledore chuckled, he had almost forgotten about those. It had been to keep her mind occupied, and had not been any work of importance. In fact, it was just the encoded notes of this strange dreams he'd had a few days ago. Of course, he's put some charms on them to make her sweat a bit.

"Oh, why don't you give them to Severus? He will be staying here for a few days after all, and he will probably be available in the basement," Albus assured her, blue eyes twinkling at the growl emitting from the man still by the wall. Tonks' blush deepened as she stole a quick glance towards the dark wizard, stuttering clumsily as she tried to object. His coal eyes on her were distracting, and though she didn't meet his gaze she could still feel him staring…observing.

"But…" she began, before she realized she didn't have any better solution to suggest.

"Well then, if you excuse us," Albus said, flashing her a smile while bowing his head slightly. Tonks swallowed and responded with a nervous twitch of her lips before fleeing the room; cold, black eyes hunting her till she was out of reach and safe behind the wall. Breathing out, Tonks took an opportunity to calm down. She leaned against the wall and shook her head, her inner voice screaming at her for acting so weird. It was only to be expected, she told herself. After all, he'd made her into a bloody mental case! There was no other explanation, not counting being madly in love with a twist. Grinning, Tonks stood and started to make her way to the kitchen where Mrs Weasley's tea and cookies could be located. She absently wondered if she was in a dream, ready to wake up in that old room in any minute, or if reality really felt this weird.

Meanwhile, Severus' wheels were turning at high speed in his head as he tried to listen to the Headmaster and figure out what had just transpired between himself and Tonks a few moments ago. The look of intense lust in the young woman's eyes had not gone unnoticed by the master spy, and the deep colour of them was burned into his mind leaving a nasty burn. He felt uneasy, thinking back at how she'd seemed to see and know only him, and how he had reacted towards this. A flame he'd thought to have been suffocated, as he'd supposedly finished the chapter in his life that was Nymphadora Tonks, had suddenly burst into life and was still licking his insides with its teasing warmth. He was tempted to rip his book open and continue to write about this particular difficult and strange witch who left him with more questions than answers. Sourly tempted. But he wouldn't do anything, would he? He was just going to ignore it and live life as he's done before.

But the only way to get rid of temptation is to give in, isn't it?

* * *

_A/N: Ooohh, looks like I'll be able to get more lemony goodies up if I continue in this pace -yay- anyway I know I've been bad and that this wasn't the best of chapters (Tonks IS fucked up, and Severus IS a Sex God, so excuse me lol), but please please **review**? -puppy eyes-_


	13. Obsessions

_A/N: Uh, yeah, not much to say other than...I AM SO SORRY!! -falls down on knees- My HP-muse is gone, I'm totally out of the HP fandom, and I can't get out of this damned writer's block! But I won't give up on this story, okay? The updates will just be late. I will finished this damned thing. So there. _

_I'm going to pick up on the plot some more now, and it's gonna be a little less interaction between Snape and Tonks. I think. We'll see._

_So...yeah...happy reading! _

* * *

Wake Up

Chapter 13: Obsessions

_Okay, be brave, you can do this!_ she thought as she inhaled and tightened her grip of the heavy folder in her hands. She stood by the staircase leading to the basement, where _he_ was, and looked around nervously. No one was in sight, and as she took the first step, she was glad only the walls could see her pathetic climb downwards. Her heart was racing, in fear and anticipation, while her stomach clenched painfully making her breathing short and hard.

Slowly, whatever light there had been upstairs diminished into darkness and as her eyes tried to adjust she stretched out an arm in order to feel her way and avoid tripping. But she was Nymphadora Tonks, and with a startled yelp and a loud thud, she found herself on the floor wincing and cursing at the pain shooting through her still sensitive body.

As she prepared to get up, a door opened and light fell on her; causing her to close her eyes at the sudden brightness.

"Tonks," a smooth voice acknowledged, making her breath hitch as her world seemed to stop for a moment. Blinking, she looked up to see Severus stand leaning on the doorframe, an unreadable expression in his dark eyes as he stared down at her; arms crossed and black cloak falling gracefully over his body. He didn't make a move to help her as she stood up on shaky legs, observing her with disinterest.

"I have the documents here," she said, holding out a slightly crumpled folder as she walked over to him. Her now golden eyes were locked with his, and she seemed both afraid and excited as he reached out to take the papers offered. What he was about to do went against everything that was proper, but it was Albus' orders.

"Come," he ordered, withdrawing into the room and leaving the door open. Tonks stood staring at him dumbly for a second, before she shook her head and entered with a blush. He was already by the other side of the room when she'd closed the door, looking through the vials stored on a large shelf taking up the whole wall.

"I was ordered to give you," he began, pausing to turn around and face his visitor, "this."

A smoothly shaped bottle rested between his index finger and thumb, its red contents shining like blood as the light hit and shattered against the liquid. She took a few steps closer, eyes trained on the sickly beautiful object, and only stopped when she realized there was little space left between herself and the usually fearful Potions Master. Oddly enough, she wasn't frightened. The little proximity this offered, standing less than a foot away, was enough to make her heart flutter as her head seemed to fill up with cotton.

Severus stared at the woman before him, frozen in place as he observed once again how her eyes started to change into a deep colour of amber. She was so close, too close. Reaching out, he roughly grabbed and shoved the vial into her smooth hand – and time stopped. His grip loosened, until it became gentle, but he couldn't remove his hand from hers. Not yet.

"You should be disgusted, you should be angry, you should hate me with a passion; so what is this, Nymphadora Tonks?" he asked in his silky voice, dark eyes locked with hers. His pale skin stood out in all the black hair and fabric, making him seem like someone from an old muggle novel about vampires. She used to read them as a young girl, fascinated by the beautiful way the authors described something so wrong, so dangerous and cruel. His question made her smile slightly; only partly aware of his words when most of her conscious mind was thrilled by the long missed skin to skin contact.

"I've just changed," she began, unsure how to put her feelings into words. This wasn't the atmosphere that made it easier to confess the twisted shape of her heart and love. His dark eyes pierced her, and she was forced to look down before she'd start to tremble. Her gaze landed on their hands, lightly touching, and it helped settle the painful feeling in her stomach.

"Changed?" he snorted. "You are ill, Nymphadora, you have become sick and twisted. Snap out of it; this will not do you any good. You do not want to be near me, understand? I hurt you, I cursed and abused you. I broke you. Are you too stupid to see that all I do is slowly killing you?"

He had never lectured someone like this; he had never felt his heart burn as he tried desperately to make her understand. Self-hatred, a common feeling, corroded his chilly walls and made his eyes glitter dangerously in the dim-lit room.

Tonks stood staring, observing the way his lips were set in a line of frustration and how his eyes mirrored the hate he seemed to harbour. Slowly, his hand left hers and with it, the warmth on her cheeks and skin. Shivering, she shook her head and tried to understand. It only hurt; her head felt dull as she struggled to see why this was happening, why his words didn't affect her the way they should.

"I'm sick and twisted? And whose fault is that?" she whispered, voice shaking. No anger, no hate, was in her words; only a sad confusion. Severus' eyes narrowed, unsure how to handle this strange turn of events. He hadn't expected her to accept it so quickly, to finally come to her right mind with so little of a struggle. Was it a good thing, or a bad?

"Mine," he stated with more effort than it seemed. Her lips turned up in a crooked smile, amber eyes twinkling. He felt his stomach flip, only for less than a second, as he stared into a unfamiliar face. She looked calm, almost cunning, as she reach out for his hand.

"If you made me this way…if you made me this wrong…shouldn't you make me right?" she asked, eyelashes fluttering against her soft cheeks. "Please, Severus?"

He hadn't expected this; he hadn't seen it coming in a million years. His breath hitched as his eyes widened in horror. Albus had made him promise; Albus had known the outcome.

"_Oh, and Severus? If she asks you to help her, if she asks you to amend your actions__, promise me that you will do so…and in the way she wants you to. Promise me, Severus."_

"I…."

"_Albus…"_

"I…"

"_Severus, please."_

"Please, make me right."

"_I promise, sir."_

"How?"

He stared into her eyes, lost and with a feeling of defeat that he loathed and prayed wouldn't show in his dark, glittering orbs. He wouldn't break his promise, he couldn't. And it was his own fault; he was the only one responsible for the way this young woman had turned out. He would do his best to atone for his sins, his mistakes; even though he could never dream of the salvation everyone sought. Her hand tightened around his, their contact spreading warmth he had forgotten existed.

"Help me, stay with me. Severus, you have to hold me."

* * *

"FUCK!" the silver-blonde man screamed, pointing his wand at a beautiful vase. It shattered with a violent bang, sending pieces of expensive porcelain flying in every direction. His breathing was fast and hard; chest heaving in an aggravated way. His handsome, sharp face was tainted with a look of dark hatred; his grey eyes wide and close to madness. Shards from the vase had cut his hands lightly as they flew past, buried themselves in his legs and ripped his silky robes open at some places.

"I will KILL HIM!! I am going to make him suffer; I am going to make him beg before my feet! _Disgusting_, greasy _half-blood!_ He's a traitor! He's a disgrace, a _filthy_, unworthy, _weak _little _worm!_" Another vase shattered, followed by a table and a whole bookshelf. Wood, paper and different kinds of porcelain covered the glossy floor made out of beautiful marble. His anger didn't calm, nothing seemed to be enough until he had someone's warm blood on his hands; dripping down his pale fingers and onto the ground.

"Lucius," a weak voice begged, quivering in fear. The man's head snapped to the side and his burning eyes landed on a thin, elegant woman. Her posture was one of subjection, her eyes as wide as his but filled with fright instead; bright and glittering with tears.

"Lucius, please," she repeated, gulping for air as sobs broke her still form. The man growled, walking over to her with long, fast strides despite his limp. She shrieked as his hand came down to slap her hard. Blonde locks fell across her red cheek covering the trail of tears cooling her hot skin; her head being forced to the side at the impact.

"Don't. Speak, " he hissed through clenched teeth, turning abruptly to walk out of the room. The wounds he'd gotten from his Lord hurt and slowed him down; inflicted upon him for something the half-blood had done, something the half-blood was responsible for.

Entering his office, Lucius Malfoy seemed to calm down. His anger still burned, his hatred still seethed, but his head cooled and he sat down to think things through. He had to return to his Lord's side soon, and it called for a composed state of mind. He was not like Snape, he was not weak. He had nothing making him vulnerable, nothing that softened his sharp features.

A sick smirk graced his lips, pulling at the corners of his mouth in an unnatural way. If the disgusting half-blood of a woman had made Snape soft, as his Lord had realized, he wondered how much she'd affected him. That night, when her screams sounded in his ears, her nails and teeth marked his skin, what had Severus Snape felt? He had been too full of adrenaline, too satisfied, when he'd left to properly observe the darker man's expression. Snape was a hard man to read, impossible even. But Lucius was no fool. A woman's curves, a woman's taste and touch can become addictive. He presumed Snape was drawn to his own kind, his own filth, and the metamorphous was a declivous creature to devour from what he remembered.

Perhaps the reason, perhaps the source of all these new bumps in the road, was that woman?

Severus was, and had always been, a cold man. His feelings might as well not exist, the way he managed to keep them behind his stoic features. For him to snap one of these days was inventible, Lucius mused, and for it to be over a half-blooded, useless witch was highly amusing. The younger man was many things, knew many dark things. Love did not exist in their world, not the fairytale love that seemed to consume do-gooders' pitiful sensibility. Obsession, on the other hand, was common. He could easily picture Snape taking that woman, make her his and mark her in vile ways. He could, because he had done it himself long ago.

With a twisted grin he wondered if the half-blood _Prince_ still suffered from those memories, still remembered how he had joined the Death Eaters and received his mark. It had been the first time, but hopefully not the last, that tears had rolled down those pale cheeks.

_I'll put that look on your face again, Severus,_ he thought as he leaned back in his chair. _I'll make you remember obsession._

* * *

_A/N: Yeah, some of the past came in there. For those who freaked don't worry, it's not slash. Anyway, now I have pinned Snape down and he won't be bale to escape from out lovely Tonks -evil grin- _

_I hope the chapter didn't disappoint you too much! Again, so sorry for being such a terribly bad author...-sighs- Review? Please?_


	14. Fading Truth

_A/N: Errr...hi... I KNOW I KNOW!!! I AM TERRIBLE TERRIBLE LATE!! -cries- I'm so sorry! I know this is written in each damned chapter now, but yeah, I'm still in writer's block when it comes to HP. Anime has infected my brain, though I'm having troubles with those fanfics as well...anyhow, I am not giving up on this story. This is my second chaptered story with an actual PLOT so I intend to finish it! I need the practise. I'm so bad at dark stories, especially long ones. _

_But, that aside, I'm sorry for the OOCness! I've been gone for so long I'm very rusty XD I hope this chapter isn't as bad as I think it is...but hey, at least I'm getting closer to the end! finallly the plot os moving! lol. And hey, what'd'you know? I managed to stuff in some SSNTness in this chappie! _

_Enough rantings, on we go (if people are still reading this...-sighs- wouldn't be surprised if you've given up on me! XD)_

_**NOTE:** About Severus' and Lucius' past...I'll come to that soon, you'll see. I had planned to not make it slash-ish(lol) since I was unsure how you'd take it (I was expecting flames, really) but since slash is so much better for the thing I have in mind, then I have to apologise for those slash haters because I will most likely use it. I'm sorry! But it goes so well with what I have planned! -pleads-  
_

* * *

Wake Up

Chapter 14: Fading Truth

"Albus, are you sure?" Remus Lupin asked, a deep frown disturbing his already worn face. His tired eyes held worry, his mouth and voice expressed his doubt and disagreement. No matter how many times Dumbledore would repeat the fact that Snape had successfully avoided the worse outcome he wouldn't accept this willingly; it was disturbingly sickening to see how confused and pained Tonks was without her former captor.

"Yes, I am quite sure Remus," the old man assured him, smiling sadly. "It will be best for both of them."

"But what about You-Know-Who?" he insisted, trying to find another way; another reason. "He wants Snape to stop working at Hogwarts, doesn't he? He wants him by his side all the time now, right? How do you think that will work out?"

"It is true that Voldemort seems to be learning from his mistakes and is indeed planning to go after me first. But, nothing is certain," Albus explained, his blue eyes dull. "It is too risky to remove Severus from his position at Hogwarts; Voldemort will soon realize this if he hasn't already. But as things are, we'll be seeing little of him as soon as I announce him healed and free to leave the 'hospital'."

Remus sighed, scratching his neck. He believed Severus was on their side, and loyal towards Albus, but his behavior and actions left a sour taste in his mouth. He was torn between hate and admiration; finding it painful to acknowledge the courage it must take to face You-Know-Who over and over again.

"But," he began after a moment of silence, "you will have to let him go soon; only a few days from now. While his injuries were severe, You-Know-Who will suspect something if he is kept hidden for too long."

"I know," Albus said with a grave nod, looking up at the ceiling while frowning. Remus tapped his fingers against the table impatiently, waiting for him to continue; to come with an answer which would settle the uneasy feeling in his stomach. A simple yes or no would do!

"So, why are you having Snape take care of Nymphadora?" he burst out as the silence became too much, his voice harsher than he intended. Albus' kind eyes locked with his, and he regretted the hard tone he'd used but still felt the headache that comes with annoyance and irritation throb inside his head.

"She has asked for his help, and in these circumstances, who is he to deny it? I will do my best to aid them in these times, for they have brought us closer to the end." Remus blinked, unable to stop his lips from curving up into a gentle smile at the old man's damned riddles. But the somber atmosphere froze his muscles and he was forced to speak yet again when the answers refused surface on their own.

"What do you mean?"

"We need to move forward," Albus stated, leaning back further in his chair before continuing. "We're not growing stronger as time passes; we are only holding out and surviving. While we are gathering followers – fighters – Voldemort is doing well making it as difficult as possible. I fear time is not on our side, and whatever change is made we need to use for our advantage. There is always a way, always a chance, to succeed. All you need is the right decisions and," he paused, smiling another sad smile, "the right people."

Remus shook his head and admitted defeat. He might not like it, but he couldn't help but trust the aged wizard before him. Many questions without answers, and many answers without questions, were left hanging in the dusty air. All he could do was fight alongside his friends and colleagues while praying for the lives he knew would be lost. Considering their currently situation, perhaps that really wasn't the worst outcome.

* * *

Madness, that's what this was. Madness. The pain and strong surge of various emotions told him this could not be a nightmare; no one would be able to sleep in this state. He had to admit it was possible with a sleep potion, but he had no memory of taking one of those today. Besides, if he took a sleep potion it was the dreamless one. A vain try to keep his mind calm at least once during the day.

"You should go to bed," he growled as his temper seemed to slowly burn his insides. His hands clenched and unclenched as a small sigh was the only reply. He wondered how this was helping her in any way, and made a mental note to talk to Dumbledore again. It wasn't the time for this! He had more important things to do, like find a way to fool Voldemort and avoid any situation that allowed him no excuse to _not_ kill. Things were rapidly changing, and here he was; sitting in a large couch with a mentally scarred witch occupying his lap. Her pale fist was holding onto the black fabric of his pants, and her cheek rested too close to a highly inappropriate place; the back of her head using his stomach as support while her whole body was curled up like a ball beside him. They hadn't been like this for long, but it seemed like an agonizing eternity for him. She had probably fallen asleep, but he had to wake her now. If it was sleep she needed, then she could lie in her own damned bed!

"_Nymphadora_" he hissed, bending over to lean over her head and get ready to shout directly in her ear if needed. He didn't need to, but it was too late before he realized. She'd turned her head, and her sleepy eyes were staring up at his black orbs. He froze, wondering why this had to happen. Her lips parted, the whisper of his name hitting his face in a warm breath. His hand came to rest on her cheek, anger forgotten just for a moment. Her eyes, they were like amber again. She was in a trance, aroused by his gentle touch and deep, deep eyes. He would look away soon, he would remove his hand and push her off his lap. He would. Soon.

"No," she mumbled, tired mind recognizing the look in his eyes. She needed to shock him, or the warmth would disappear all too quickly. She needed it, she needed it! A dainty hand, nails broken and fingers slightly abused, snuck up to rest behind his neck and before he would protest she had his mouth pressed against hers; warm and smooth. Her tongue flicked out, traced his lips and pushed through to taste him after all these days.

He was, indeed, shocked.

Almost, he'd almost forgotten the feel of her tongue against his. The warmth of her breath and the need in her moans; exciting, addicting – forbidden. But he kissed her back, he savored the moment, took this chance to remember something good; something pleasant. If he could, he would've continued. If he could, his arms would've wrapped around her and lifted her close to his chest while the kisses turned deeper. _Nymphadora_

She gasped as he broke the kiss; cheeks pink and lips bruised. His eyes had closed, and he slowly sat up straight. His hand left her hot cheek, falling down to rest beside his hip. The excitement burned in her stomach, the adrenaline pumped through her veins and the need ate at her lungs, making it hard to breathe. If the world could only stop, if things would just be gone, then he could be hers. She wanted this forever; this feeling of safety and want for more. But the reality of his stiff posture, pained expression and smooth voice kept disturbing her moments of release. Why couldn't he let her dream? She was tired of this.

"Severus, I need this," she said with a strong voice, surprising herself at the force she managed to express. "Don't argue, please. Let me rest."

"Then go sleep in your own bed woman!" he hissed, getting ready to push her off and stand to throw her out. He needed a moment of peace; some time to collect himself.

"You promised," she urged on, not letting go of his pants and meeting his glare with a steady gaze. The amber seemed to gleam, hint of gold making her eyes look like beautiful chaos; controlled yet maddening. He breathed in, deciding that he would wait till she was asleep then leave the room and seek out Dumbledore. He couldn't do this, no matter how responsible he was.

"Very well," he sneered, "sleep, but nothing more."

She smiled before turning away again, snuggling into his lap and sighing with content. The hurt, confusion, twisted truth and cruel reality had taken its tool. Hadn't she done well, dealing with it all? Of course she had, it felt good now. Her head didn't hurt; her thoughts didn't dwell on pain. Severus' red potion had calmed her nerves, given her an opportunity to think without blacking out. He said it was a calming serum, made to let you rest and heal even your bruises if given enough time. She wanted to believe it solved all her problems, made her mind settle for a course of action. It did no such thing, but it was nice to imagine.

Smiling, she began to feel her limps growing heavy and her mind fuzzy; ready to welcome sleep. He had promised to help her; he had to do what she asked of him. He had to; she had to make him. He was responsible for this; he'd said it himself – so how could he deny her?

_I dreamt I was in his embrace,_ she thought weakly,_ I dreamt everyone was happy. I dreamt __he was mine, I dreamt so many things. I wasn't crazy, and it didn't hurt. What a beautiful world…_

* * *

"My Lord," he greeted respectfully, wincing as he kneeled down and bowed. "I have come with the information you requested."

"Good," the dark figure drawled, hissing slightly as he walked towards the man cowering man before him. Pitiful. Voldemort sneered.

"Is our _dear_ Minister ready?"

"Yes, my Lord, he has been taken care of. The Invisible has been caught as instructed."

"How about the book?" He was getting impatient. Trivial matters, trivial!

"It is yet to be found Master; I deeply apologize for the delay. We are close though, my Lord, we are close."

Voldemort sneered, sweeping his cloak along as he turned to face the woman snickering to his right. After he had dealt with Lucius' punishment and the man had been sent home for a short while, he had announced the change in his plan. If he was going after Dumbledore, he needed to know every spell the fool used to keep the castle safe. Its old protection spells were the trickiest; he knew enough about Dumbledore's magic to deal with the newer ones easily but the ancient magic were complicated. A certain book, containing notes and valuable information, had once been in his possession before it was lost during his years of weakness. The task of finding it was given to Lucius, which seemed to amuse Bellatrix enough to laugh at the kneeling man in their Lord's presence.

"Bella," he began with a low voice, a twisted smirk stretching his horrid skin as her face paled and her movements stilled. "This is taking too long. I need you to take over."

Silence, annoying silence. He hissed, breaking it. The woman bowed swiftly, accepting the mission. He turned to look down at the blonde man, masked and unsteady in his position. His wounds had yet to heal.

"Lucius, like this you are worthless," he snapped. "I trust you have saved the last portion of potion Severus brewed?"

At his hesitant nod, Voldemort flicked his wand and flung the man across the room with ease. "Drink it and heal, you shall work with Severus once he has recovered."

No questions asked, no time spilled. He was gone after a shaky bow and murmured respects. Voldemort turned and walked back to the armchair he had occupied before, gracefully sitting down. His thin elbow placed on the armrest, Voldemort rested his pointy chin against a bony hand; smirking smugly. This time, things would go well. He knew it. There were no faults in his plan, no faults he couldn't fix with ease.

Lucius might have disappointed him, Severus might be suspicious and affected by the lust for a woman, but together they were his best Death Eaters.

The blonde was cruel, a good actor and with knowledge of greedy men. What he lacked, Severus possessed. An impressive intellect, skills worth praise and a wit as useful as it was sharp. It had been interesting in the beginning, when these two clashed and completed the perfect Death Eater; the perfect servant. Their arrogance had made them go separate ways, and he could not help but be amused at the deep hatred they bore for each other. But it was time to force them together; it was time to use their joint power. To make his plan work, he needed the right people. After that, all he needed to do was enjoy the knowledge of a victory within reach. He couldn't lose; there had never been a time when that was possible. Dumbledore was going to die, and then, finally, Harry Potter would meet the same fate.

Blood-red eyes gleamed in the darkness, looking into thin air and seeing his goal as clear as ice. The world he saw was his, a cruel and dark world which he ruled with ease; Potter's dead eyes staring up at him from the bloodstained ground. What power he would obtain.

* * *

_A/N: I'm so sorry if that confused you. It'll be explain in later chapters, but if you really want to know something ask and I'll see if I can let you know or not lol. Thanks for reading! Leave me a review and I'll hopefully update fatser! D8 -so horribly guilty- I'm soon free from school and I'll be over the fact that my brother had moved to the other sid eof the world in a few days. So, I'm working on getting this story done. I have lots of other stories, but I really need to work on this one. Gosh, no matter what I do I'll be hated by readers XD_

_Anyhow, like I said, pleeease review! I know it was a crappy update, but...but I want to know if there was somthing good about it -pouts-_

_I love you all and am amazed if there's anyone left there who is actually reading! -bows- _


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